Page 53 of Demon Copperhead
I got back down the hill quick. Somebody had made a bonfire, and I was glad to see Fast Forward squatting on his bootheels, feeding sticks to the flames. It was the stage of a party where the keg has run dry, Solo cups roll sadly in the dirt, cans and bottles turn up from emergency supplies. The Peggot aunts must have seized the equipment because the music was oldies, Michael Jackson and Prince. People sat in lawn chairs watching the fire like a TV show. Maggot was standing by himself. I smacked him from behind, harder than I meant to.
“Damn, you spilled me brother. Beer.” He was woefully drunk, looking down at his chain pants. You have to wonder how they’d wash. Pretty sure that was up to Mrs. Peggot.
“What happened to the lovebirds?”
He cogitated. “Give it up, man. Emmy’s a Britney, and you sir. You are a SpongeBob.”
“Fuck you. I’m a General, first string.”
“’Scuse me. A SpongeBob with a number on his SquarePants whaddayacallit.”
“Jersey. Eighty-eight.”
A long pause. “Jer-sey. Ten-four.”
“Explain to me how Hammer Kelly gets to fly in the Britney zone.”
Another pause. “I have a theory. He found Aunt June’s G-spot.”
Coming from a position of solid shitfaced, that was a pretty good one I thought.
Fast Forward was watching us from across the bonfire. I didn’t wave or anything stupid, just wished. Until he stood up, flicked his cigarette butt into the fire, and came over.
“Gentlemen.” He stood between us, an arm around each. I grew a couple inches, Maggot pushed hair out of his eyes. I asked if he got the chance to meet June, that was giving this party.
“The gracious hostess that invited us to use her Band-Aids?”
I laughed. He dropped his arms from our shoulders, seeing people noticing us. He did talk to June, he said, and she seemed like a nice lady. But he hadn’t met the daughter.
“She’s the one that was passing out the cake.” I knew they’d spoken. I’d seen it.
“With the giant snuggly boyfriend attached,” Maggot added.
Fast ignored him. “I know which one she is. Just didn’t get a proper introduction.”
That was on me, I’d screwed up. “We can go find her now,” I said, but he didn’t seem keen. “Or some other time. We’re over here a lot. She and Maggot are like brother and sister.”
Fast Forward was watching people around the fire that were all watching him back. Like at any moment he was going to bust an astounding move.Feels so empty without Fast Man.Maggot piped up that if he wanted to meet the hotcake cousin, he’d have to clear it with the boyfriend and his deer rifle. Of all the times in my life I wanted to punch Maggot, that one was memorable. I could feel the energy of Fast Forward pulling away from us.
Then Rose intercepted out of nowhere, worming through the crowd to bring him a beer. I was buzzed enough to watch it as a football play: Rose finds her gap, assesses the depth of coverage. Turns her numbers to the receiver and makes a quick slant for a run/pass combination.
He took the bottle from her and drained it. Rose watched him without kindness. If she was a football player, she’d be the one that gets you on the bottom of the pile and spits in your helmet. He handed the bottle back and told her it was time we hit the road. She dropped the bottle and walked away. Yikes. Maggot had decided to stay the night at June’s. I went to hunt up Mouse.
I found her sitting in lawn chairs with June and Ruby, explaining something that involved a lot of pointing to their chins and cheeks.
“Fast Forward says it’s time to go.”
She looked up, her head cocked like a bird’s. June and Ruby too. They all three gave me that look women get,Who died and left you boss, mister?
“So, what should I tell him? Do you want a ride?”
“When I am finished talking with these ladies about foundation contouring, yes.”
“I’m not sure I like the sound of this Fast person,” June said. “Is he drinking?”
“No ma’am,” I said, glancing at Mouse. “You’d like him. Everybody does.”
Mouse pushed herself off the lawn chair, which was actually a drop for her short legs. We found Fast Forward and made our way out to the road. Most of the parked cars were still there, even with the party dying out. June’s house would be wall-to-wall carpeted with drunks tonight. We walked in the middle of the road, hearing people in the woods. The saggy skin of pup tents glowed in the moonlight. A waste of a starry night I thought, to sleep in one of those. Then I heard a couple going at it hard, so privacy was the reason. Sorry to say, their secret was out. Mouse and Fast were talking, too quiet for me to hear. He seemed to be asking for some kind of intel. She was louder, so I caught answers without the questions: “High school, I’m positive,”and “It better be, because I am going to be seeing bad spray tans in my nightmares.”
