Page 111 of Her Darkest Possession
He nods. "The very same."
"But why would he help us?"
"Killian wants control of the Brighton Beach holdings that used to belong to the Volkov Bratva," Anatoly explains, his fingers absently tracing patterns on the back of my hand. "He was under the impression that I would do all of the fighting for him to get it."
I process this information, the pieces clicking together in my mind. "And you plan on making him earn those holding by fighting with you side by side?"
"Yes," he replies. "If I were to take the Brighton Beach holdings from Taras and then simply hand them over to Killian, all it would do is create problems later on with the other Russian families who view it as the heartland of bratva power. If I make him fight for it, then the other families might be more amenable to relinquishing the Volkov holdings."
The plan makes sense, and before the losses that the bratva suffered today, I might've believed in it. But hearing him talk like this, I can't help but feel the knot in my stomach that won't go away.
"What's wrong?" Anatoly asks, his thumb brushing across my cheek.
I want to say that nothing is wrong, but I can't bring myself to lie to him. Not now.
"I almost lost you twice in the last twenty-four hours," I whisper, my voice catching. "And?—"
I stop myself.
I want to tell him that we've been lucky all the way up until now. Everything from me being taken by Grisha, to Amara beingbrought back before she disappeared forever into an awful world I can't even imagine, that Anatoly managed to avoid seeing the insides of a prison, and that we survived the attack on the mansion.
But we barely survived every trial and ordeal by the skin of our teeth.
It's only a matter of time before that luck runs out.
And what happens when it does run out? What if he goes on this plan of his to kill Taras and Valentina and never comes back?
There's a voice in the back of my mind telling me that I'm being selfish, that this is bigger than me, and that I should keep that thought to myself.
But there's another voice reminding me that refusing to voice my own opposition and letting other bulldoze over me was what led me here in the first place.
After all, aren't I to say my fears out loud? Aren't I allowed to be selfish for once in my life?
What's the point of marrying an all-powerful pakhan, if I'm still walking on eggshells at the thought that one day, he'll walk out that door to do something for the bratva and never come home to me?
So, I take a deep breath, gather myself, and start speaking.
"I'm afraid that I might lose you for good this time. And I don't want to lose you, Anatoly." My voice breaks. "I don't want our child to grow up never knowing who their father is."
I hate how scared I sound. I'm supposed to be his queen and his equal. But instead, I sound like some terrified girl afraid to let her husband do what needs to be done.
Anatoly cups my face between his hands, forcing me to look him in the eyes. His gaze is intense, burning with determination.
"You won't lose me, Indigo."
"You don't know that!" I snap. "You don't know that you'll actually be able to come back. Even if you have Killian backing you."
He looks at me, never breaking eye contact.
"You're right, I don't know that," he says after a long silence. "And I know that the probability of me dying out there isn't zero."
"If you're trying to make me feel better, you're not doing a great job."
"No." He smiles sadly as he takes my hand in his. "But haven't you seen by now just how extraordinary the power of our love has been? Don't you remember one improbable event after another that has led us to this exact moment? Haven't you lost count of one impossible odd after another that we've been able to overcome because of our trust and love for each other, even before we realized that it was love?"
I shake my head, squeezing his hand tightly. "It wasn't just love that got us through this, Anatoly. Love gave us strength, yes. But it was our actions that kept us alive."
His eyebrows furrow slightly. "What do you mean?"
