Page 46 of Free to Judge
“Absolutely.”
“It’s the first time in four years I’ve slept without headless brides chasing me in my nightmares.” He lays a hand on my arm, and either I’m the only one who feels the electrical arc or there’s a damn short circuit in my home. His eyes bore into mine and the steadiness of his gaze takes my breath away. His thumb rubs up and down on my bare arm, his touch leaving goosebumps in the wake. Forget words. It’s in our silence that lays the foundation for what could be more between us. I’m certain of it.
Finally, after moments of quiet, he breaks it. “Thank you. Thank you for letting me grieve, Kalie.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that.” I hesitate before saying, “Can I ask some questions about Jack Marshall?”
The hesitant smile he had on his face fades away. Now, in its place is the cold mask he had on his face at the courthouse. It’s cold and unbreakable. “Now you’re asking questions I can’t answer, Kalie. That’s something you have to broach with your father. I can’t betray their trust by telling you what I know about him.”
Silence settled over the room like dust. “I see.”
He relents, before reaching for my hand to hold, causing my heart to flutter. “I will tell you this. He’s not focused on your family.”
A sigh of relief escapes me. But it’s too soon when Declan informs me, “He is, however, asking questions about you.”
I squeeze his fingers so tight, he winces. “Christ. Why didn’t my father tell me?”
“I can’t answer that.”
“Not helping.” I glare at him.
“I know,” he said.
“Why me?”
“The working theory is you’ve been on their watch for years. But they’re taking action because of you hitting me at the courthouse.”
I curse myself, but he stops my diatribe by lifting his free hand in my direction. “Would you have acted any differently? Remember, you still wouldn’t have known who I was.”
Begrudgingly, I admit, “Unlikely.”
“Then stop beating yourself up about it.”
“If I endangered the people I love because of being reckless…” My voice is pained at the idea.
But Declan stops me. “I’ve been living undercover with this scum for a long time, Kalie. If it wasn’t this, it would have been something else that brought you to their attention.”
“That’s both terrifying and encouraging.”
“Happy to help.” I still don’t know what I feel when he leans forward and removes my wine glass. Turning to face me, he clasps both my freezing hands between his, staring deep into my eyes. My breath hitches. “Kalie, I need you to trust me. I know what it’s like to lose someone I love to the Byrnes. I won’t let your family go through the same.”
My heart stutters even as my head falls forward. “Declan…”
“I know you may have a right to be frustrated, but I need you to believe me when I say give up whatever feelings of right or wrong you’re harboring against your father right now. He’s working in survival mode. He’s not thinking clearly since you inadvertently brought yourself into this op. You have to be smart. Careful. But you have to trust the people with the most experience and right now, that’s your dad. Hell, letmeprotect you, even if you think I’m a worthless piece of shit.”
“You know I don’t think that about you.”
His eyes drift shut. When he opens them, they’re bright with moisture. “Thank you. That means a lot.”
Declan’s passionate plea on behalf of my own family hangs between us. I’d already decided to let my family back in. Oh, there will be punishment, but not the kind to detract them from the job they’re doing. Not that he needs to know that. Still, I feelcompelled to help him with his own demons. I clear my throat. “What made Tanya a good partner?”
“What?” His tone is riddled with disbelief. “That’s what you want to ask me?”
I lean forward and press a hand against his wrist. “Declan, most of what you told me I either found out or I could have asked my family. You went from tragedy to persecution to op. Have you really talked about the good you learned from your partner?”
His eyes drop to the floor. “No.”
“She deserves to be remembered,” I press. “Doesn’t she?”
