Page 121 of Free to Judge
My eyes fly open and the fear in my heart immediately settles when my eyes rest on the ones I inherited—my mother’s. Gripping my hand in between both of hers, she presses her lips against our folded fingers before murmuring, “I never wanted you to know this kind of pain, Kalie.”
With her words, something inside of me shatters. The breath I didn’t realize I was holding exhales before I rasp out, “Mama.”
For a long while, she doesn’t speak. Her actions do all the talking. My mother’s touch is reverent—lips pressing against my hand clasped in between her own. It’s a worship of gratitude, a humble thanks. I give her those quiet moments uncertain of the time that passes because my pain eases simply by her being next to me.
But my heart remembers Declan being by my side when I fell asleep and can’t help but wonder where he is.
She dispatches that question before I can even ask it. “After I ensured your father was sane after last night.”
“And vice versa?”
Her weary smile acknowledges I’m right on target. “I forced Declan to go get a shower and debriefed—not necessarily in that order.” Her gaze softens. “He didn’t leave your side once, Kalie.”
My head tips upward so my eyes focus on the drop ceiling. “Love is never quite as simple as a love story makes it out to be.”
“The memorable ones aren’t.”
“Like yours and Dad’s?”
“I’ve never hid the fact your father came into my life flashing hazard signs—forget red flags.”
A whimper of laughter escapes. I clutch my ribs. “Don’t make me laugh, Mama. It hurts.”
Her hand reaches up and smooths one of the bruises I can feel blooming on my skin. Moisture makes her eyes appear iridescent. “I had a lot of wishes when I knew I was pregnant with you, Kalie.”
“Like what?”
“I prayed you’d grow up strong and smart. I hoped you’d love your family the way I do. I prayed you’d find love.” A lone tear tracks down her cheek. “But never did I want you to experience the physical trauma behind our promise to remain loyal as a family.”
I lift her hand and cup her fingers to the side of my battered face. “I don’t think I would have endured it if I didn’t have such a strong role model, Mama.”
Her eyes close briefly. When they open, they’re misted over with love. “I love you, Kalie.”
“I love you too.”
“Now, about Declan,” she starts.
“Can I ask for more pain meds before we have this conversation?”
With a small smile, she presses the call button. After a nurse pops her head in and asks what we need, then reassures me my precious pain meds will be on their way shortly. Mama continues, “In the time I’ve loved your father, he’s swung from being my lover to my worst enemy, the love of my life to the bane of my existence.”
“What’s your point, Mama?”
“Love isn’t the law. Even when you have all the facts, there’s always mitigating circumstances.” She tucks a stray hair behind my ear.
“I know.”
“Do you?”
“I never stopped loving him.”
“That’s good to know.”
“And after last night, it’s even harder to not forgive him when he’s so hurt by what happened to me.” I meet her eyes. “Still, deep down, our beginning wasn’t normal. I need that for a while.”
“Then take that time. I have a feeling Declan’s not going anywhere.” Her smile turns feral. “Besides, it will give me the opportunity to get to know him.”
“Play nice, Mama.” I blink up at the harsh lights. “How long am I stuck in here?”
