Page 48 of Perfect Composition
And I easily ignore the eruption of voices as the door closes behind me as I hurry out of LLF. I’m too busy searching for a flight back to Texas.
It’s time to confront my father once and for all.
BECKETT
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
If a celebrity walks by another celebrity on the street, do they acknowledge each other? I mean, after all, even when we offer them a friendly smile, they ignore the rest of us. #ScrewHolidaySpirit
— Jacques Yves, Celebrity Blogger
It’s my favorite season in New York—Christmas. There’s something incredible about the fact people are willing to drag their loved ones into the city to stand cheek by jowl in front of a tree that has 30,000 lights on it, but I can’t seem to get into the spirit.
I ping Angie to see if Carys is available, only to be told she’s in a conference all day. I frown before I type back,Ward?
No, and before you ask, David is busy as well.
Then why are you free?
I’m out running an errand. Then I’ll be back.
Maybe I’ll stop by.
The dots move next to her phone before she tells me,Today is NOT a good day, Becks. What about tomorrow? Unless it’s a real emergency?
It’s not, but I’m feeling festive.
Yeah, that’s not the mood around here.
Angie’s words have me sitting down in front of my upright. My mind goes back to the first Christmas when I was wandering through Nashville after a show. I was so tempted to pick up the phone and call Paige. My soul was miserable without her. And just as my fingers hit a G chord on the piano, I use the other to fiddle with a melody as I sing:
I’m so cold and lonely without you
I don’t want a blue heart, baby
But what I want won’t fit under a tree
When the gift I need is you with me
I fiddle for a few hours, recalling the emotions behind how I felt returning to my shithole of a hotel with a pack of Slim Jims and a Coke alone instead of the warm arms of the woman I loved. Finally, when it’s done, I stretch. I recall something David said to me that night I was at their place when Carys was with Ben. “Beckett, you’re never going to be done with the love you have for Paige Kensington. Every moment the two of you shared is a part of who made you the man you are.”
“So you’re saying I’m always going to be like this? Even though she’s moved on?” I lashed out.
“Would you want to give up those memories?” he asked me logically.
“No! I just have to figure out how to cope…” And I stopped myself.
“Exactly. You just said it. For so long, you haven’t coped with your past. You’ve ignored it. But you can’t do that.”
“It would be easier.”
“Not if this woman turns out to be your daughter,” he challenged me.
I nodded to give him the point. He continued. “Even if you were to move on and fall in love with someone else, the boy you were may have created a life with your first love. If that’s true, there will always be a part of you that will have some feelings towards her.”
“Any ideas about how to do that?” I asked.
“Follow your heart. Follow your soul. And above all, if it turns out to be true, listen.”
