Page 70 of Perfect Composition
“Both,” I respond immediately. “Like I told you, I loved her from the moment I first heard her heart beat.”
“You never thought about…” His voice trails off.
I shake my head but realize he likely can’t see that in the shrouded darkness. “It may be the right decision for some. I respect that. But it wasn’t even an option for me.”
I feel his hand reach for mine. He squeezes my fingers tightly. “If I haven’t said it yet, thank you.”
My head turns in his direction. “For what?”
“For making a life-altering decision at seventeen and upholding it beautifully. Not all of us do that.” And for just a moment, I want to fall into his arms because the regret that laces his voice is impossible to miss.
I can’t let myself, not when I’m as emotionally stable as a new foal on her first legs. “Austyn’s the best thing to happen in my life.” I redirect the conversation slightly.
“And I’m certain she’d say same the same about you. What was all that before with you giving her a choice about stories?” His voice is quizzical, not judgmental.
I chuckle. “When Austyn started to grow into her personality, it was next to impossible to get her to do anything without yelling all the time or reasoning with her. Even then, I would have to threaten her because she’d push me too far. It could be exhausting.”
Beckett drops an arm around my shoulders. As naturally as breathing, I snuggle back into my place—the spot right against his pec where I can hear his heart beat and smell his scent. I frown a tiny bit when I realize it’s different. It’s not the smell of sunshine; it’s more refined. Sophisticated. I debate pulling away but realize that I need to lean on him for just a moment.
Just one last time.
I know he’s not mine, just the moment is. And that makes my voice quieter when I continue. “Because she’s a perfectionist, she doesn’t like her faults being called out. So, when she starts to go down a path with a wild hair, I can rein her in pretty easily.”
His lips come down on the top of my hair. Another long-ago careless intimacy that’s no longer mine. I start to squirm, but his arm tightens.
Time, distance, even other people can’t make the heart want what it truly desires any less. In fact, all it does is intensify the need when it comes in contact with what causes the blood to flow through it again. “It was a long road, but we made it. I’m proud of the woman she’s becoming.”
He’s silent as we sit there. “I never had that. But then again, when I learned what they did to your mama, I was glad I never had their stamp of approval.”
My heart twists inside me. I whisper hoarsely, “I haven’t even begun to process everything I learned.”
“Paige, maybe he had a reason. Don’t throw your whole life away,” he begins.
I hold my hands up to my ears. “How can you say that? No, the time for him to tell all of this to me was when I was crying waiting for you to come back to me.”
He rips my hands away. “It took a while, but I am back.”
And his words fuel my anger, causing me to jerk away from him. “We’re not a damn song lyric, Beckett. This is life. You weren’t pining away for me for the last twenty years. It’s been thrown in my damn face every time I walk into the grocery store to buy food to feed our child.”
He vehemently disagrees. “You only think you do. What those damn paps can’t tell you about are the lonely nights where I regretted leaving without saying goodbye.”
I scoff. “For what? The first day? Week?” Before he can speak, I scramble off the lounger.
“And what, Princess Paige? You sat in your castle chaste and lonely?” His lash of anger whips at me as he surges to his feet.
I hold up a hand with three fingers and wiggle them in his direction. “Over twenty years, buddy.” Then I start quoting some of the women he’s been associated with this year alone. “Storia, some media personality, the designer Soy, your drummer Carly, the lead singer for CyberG—I can’t recall her name—and Erzulie!” I sneer. Then I jerk up my chin as I scoff, “Plus the groupies, I’m sure.”
He shakes his head as he takes measured steps toward me. Uh-oh. I back up until my back’s against the frame of the house and there’s nowhere else to go.
His dark head lowers slightly before he taunts, “Does it help to keep lying to yourself about me to deny how you still feel about me?”
“Are you insane?” I sputter
He merely smiles right before his lips capture mine.
Instinctively, my body responds. My hands sink greedily into his thick hair, pulling him closer. My body molds into his. Despite the years, the way his body has become harder and mine softer, they still seem to be made for one another.
If it wasn’t for the squawk of the radio, I don’t know where the kiss would have led. I’m not certain if I shoved Beckett back or if he jumped away, but either way, the flush of embarrassment warms my cheeks.
