Page 24 of Perfect Composition
I had the nicest dream. On one side of me was Marco Houde, and on the other was Beckett Miller. Oh wait, it wasn’t a dream. That was me for about .02 seconds at the bar at #Redemption last night. Glory be, I almost had to go home and change. Then I slapped myself silly when I realized I’d never get back in.
— Sexy&Social, All the Scandal You Can Handle
We’re in the town car heading back toward the Plaza with Austyn chattering away. She’s high as a kite about the tracks she threw down, the people she got to meet after the show. And since I hung out in the booth with her the rest of the night, I know one of them wasn’t Beckett.
Thank God for small miracles.
Austyn’s wired as we step from the car. “Want to go grab something to eat? Check out the modern sculpture park?” She twirls around, hair and skirt flying out in all directions.
Exasperated and emotionally on edge, I’m firm when I shoot her down. “Austyn, it’s four o’clock in the morning. I’ve been up since yesterday at 8:00 a.m. I want to find my bed—” Where I’m certain I’ll be worrying instead of sleeping. “—not traipsing around the streets of New York. Cut your mother some slack. We can do both of those things in a few hours.”
Her face falls just like it did the first time I told her she couldn’t hunt around in the Kensington fields to find a dilapidated piano that was the sole remaining remnants of a fire that burned down our original family homestead. The very same piano her father dared to carve his initials and mine on just before he took my virginity next to it, swearing, “I’ll love you forever, Paige.” Acid churns in my stomach. I reach for her hand. “I was so proud of you tonight, baby. But I need to sleep. Then, I want you to show me everything that you love about this place. I want to see New York through your eyes.”
Excitement replaces disappointment. “You got it, Mama. I hope you brought comfy shoes.”
“Darling, I’m on my feet most of every day. There are few pairs I own that aren’t.”
Austyn grins. “So, not to be nosy, but I can’t say I didn’t notice you and Marco Houde on the dance floor earlier.”
“Austyn,” I warn.
“He’s a dish,” she declares as we reach the elevator bank.
“Not my type.”
“Hot? Wealthy? Single?”
I use the key card to access our floor before answering with complete honesty. “A smooth talker. Been there, had one, don’t need another. And that man has those signals flashing off him like crazy.”
Austyn is quiet until we enter our room. But the moment the door closes, she asks, “Mama, you were seventeen when you had me. I know you don’t regret it. But so much was stolen from you. Do you resent it?”Do you resent me?Her underlying question is obvious.
I step right up to my daughter and press my hand to either side of her cheeks. I stare into her eyes—his eyes—and speak the truth. “I wasn’t ready for you, but you’re a miracle, Austyn. Never, ever doubt my love for you. Every decision I made from the moment I knew I was carrying you was made with your well-being first.”
I love when she smiles, and I feel it against the palms of my hands. “Even when you argued against Gramps to cash out my college fund?”
“Austyn, your talent is undeniable. I’ve experienced nothing like it.” Except maybe once. “If I didn’t support you, what would you have done?”
Her full lips curve upward. My heart thumps against my chest. I’ve had that smile in my heart since I was barely seventeen. I just pray I don’t lose it when I tell her what I now know I’ll need to. “I’d have done it anyway.”
“Right. You’re just as stubborn and hardheaded as the rest of us Kensingtons. This way, I don’t worry as much if you’re okay. Now—” I yawn deliberately. “—can we save the rest of our heart-to-heart for after coffee?”
“Of course.”
I lean in and kiss Austyn. “Good night, baby.” I turn to make my way to my room, but I’m stopped when Austyn calls out my name. “Yes?”
“Were you really proud tonight?” Anxiety and a need for reassurance twist her features.
It’s a shot to the heart because the look is quintessentially her father’s. Every time he’d compose a new song on the piano in the field, he’d expose the same vulnerability. But where I had a few months of lies with her father, I know our daughter truly values my opinion. “So proud, baby. You’re magic.”
Her face relaxes into a grin. “Sleep well, Mama.”
“Dream big, baby,” I return.
“Don’t worry. I already am.” Then Austyn disappears into the door behind her.
I know. And I want nothing and no one to harm those dreams.On that thought, I drag myself wearily into the room.
I twist and turn in the bed before I fall into a space ripe for dreams.
