Page 122 of Perfect Assumption
I escaped New York. There’s no other way to put it. I left Ward’s and drove back to Brewster as fast as I could. Already having one bag packed, I filled as many suitcases as I could, grabbed my laptop and Flower. But before I left the next day, I quickly handwrote out letters. The first was a letter of resignation to Carys, thanking her for being there for me in so many different ways. The second, much shorter but harder to put into words, was a message to Ward.
After dropping them off at the overnight mail office, paying for them to be delivered as soon as possible Monday morning, I hightailed it out of town. I didn’t have a destination in mind until I called Sula to let her know I was leaving.
“Angie, go to my parents’ place,” she argued.
I remember laughing through my tears.
“No, seriously. You know what the place on the beach in Rhode Island is like. Only our family knows about it, and sure as the devil, none of us are going to betray you. The spare key is located beneath the third flowerpot on the right. And once you get there, you can turn off your cell. You’ve been there before and know there’s no cable, no internet. All you have to do is turn off your phone and the whole world will disappear.”
“Sula, I have to get food,” I start.
“Instacart. In fact, I’m ordering food right now. By the time you get there, you’ll be stocked for the next two weeks, love.”
I can barely see through my tears, but I point my car north on I-684 and drive.
Pulling up to her family home on Watch Hill—which I’ve always found the name ironic—despite the shingled cottage being dark, it was as welcoming as every other time I’ve visited. Spying the mounds of groceries on the front stoop, I send her a text.There’s no way I can thank you for this.
I immediately get one back.That’s because you don’t have to and you know it. Just text me when you’re safely inside and I know the heat works.
After doing those very things, and ignoring a flurry of calls, I power down my phone. “Well, Flower, what do we do next?”
She jumps up next to the fireplace to say,You could light this.
I immediately think about Ward and the nights we spent curled in front of the fire during the thundersnow. My knees almost buckle. “No. Not tonight. How about we just go to bed?”
Her tail swooshing, she saunters past me and dashes up the stairs.
I wish I could say I followed her with any sort of enthusiasm. But I know what awaits me in my sleep.
And it isn’t sweet dreams.
* * *
As the firstweek passed and I began to recover from the shock and anxiety, anger filled my veins. My heart wept for my hastiness in leaving. I debated sending Ward a letter—an actual paper one—to let him know I was safe. Like I said in my letter to Ward, I fought for myself once. This time I ran to save us both.
But before I do, I need to figure out where I was going.
I also haven’t spoken with Sula since that first night. After giving me a few days to regroup, she’d have demanded I turn the car around and fight the way I did the first time, with arguments and interviews. But after years of emotional battery, of feeling so small, where do I find the strength to fight a giant?
Then the whispers of my heart reach my mind as the fog of shame finally clears away. “With the people who love me best. That’s how I get through this again.”
With a wry smile, I know why I’ve isolated myself with only the cat for company. Because I had to learn I was never alone, even if I felt that way. I held people away, but I still had Sula and my grandparents. Now I’ve added Carys, David, and Ward to that circle.
Ward. God, Ward. Even if he never forgives me for needing this time, I’ll never be the same woman I was before him. I will survive what happened to me, but I will never recover from what I feel for Ward Burke.
My days are spent walking up and down the beach and missing Ward. I spend my nights curled up in bed and wondering if I should have had more faith in him. Us. In the pleading promises he made me in his bedroom before I ran. Every day it’s getting harder and harder not to dash into town to find a trash magazine or to dig deep to find the bravery to call Ward. Everything in my soul is crying out for him. Maybe if I knew things weren’t as bad as I suspect they are… “It’s for the best,” I tell the purring feline. “The first time I was trying to protect myself. This time, I have to protect him. The things Michael threatened.” I shudder, imagining what XMedia could do to LLF. I can’t be the one to allow that to happen.
Scooping up the cat, I move into the house to dump her unceremoniously at the door near her food.
The girl I was back then isn’t the same as the woman I am now. In ten years, I haven’t lived a single day without having this hanging over me. Unless those days were spent with Ward. I meant what I wrote in my letter to him. I want him to be happy.
And with those thoughts, I start off down the beach.
* * *
I testmy bravery the next day by turning on my phone and listening to voicemails. I save each one from Ward. It doesn’t go past my notice that they start to taper off as the week goes off. But before I can get maudlin, Sula calls. I decide to answer it. “Hey.”
“Oh, thank God,” Sula yells.
