Page 6 of Unconditionally With Me
I straighten so abruptly, my wine almost sloshes over the rim. “Tell me someone didn’t actually…” There’s an edgy fierceness in my tone Julian immediately picks up on.
“No. Hell no. I mean my eyeballs. There are some things you just can’t unsee, Elle.”
“Maybe you’re getting too old for this line of work?” I suggest teasingly.
But instead of laughing, there’s just an open silence on the line between us until Julian whispers, “Wow. That was a bit harsh.”
Exasperated, I yank the phone away from my ear and glare at it. Shoving it back under my chin, I carefully explain, “I was teasing Julian. I’m not exactly one of those young, nubile things you see at your clubs.”
“What’s got a bug up your ass tonight, Elle?”
I want to reach through the phone and strangle him while at the same time burst into tears. “Personal issues. Nothing for you to worry about.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he demands.
I’m about to open my mouth to say something else, something that would set us off into one of our mini skirmishes that normally winds up in fabulous makeup sex, but what comes out instead is “I wish you were here.” Because as much as this thing between us just hangs in limbo, as much as I want to demand more—when I fear everything about doing just that—there are moments like today when I wish I knew deep in my heart I could lean on Julian more. But that isn’t his style. And I’m not willing to gamble losing him like I’ve lost love in the past.
He’s everything I could ever want in a man, even if deep down, what I’d never admit to Trina is that I’m afraid of Julian offering everything—the moon and the stars, the unconditional. My heart aches as I realize I’ve helped establish these boundaries we’ve become adjusted to. But the reality is, I’d rather have some of Julian Rice in my life than nothing.
I’ve had nothing. I’ve been made to feel nothing. The idea of going back to that after a glimpse of everything is unacceptable.
His voice melts. “Me too. Tomorrow?”
“After work,” I agree.
“Let me get this article done so editorial can screw it up in time for press,” he grumbles.
“Maybe you should stand over Chelsea’s shoulder on this one,” I suggest.
“Not a bad idea. Elle, I…”
“What is it?”
“Nothing. It will wait until tomorrow. I love you.”
And since I know he does, I can easily say it back. “I love you too, Julian. Sleep well.”
Then I hang up before heading back into the kitchen to read. And to let the tears flow. As well as wishing the whole while there was someone there who was beside me to catch me as my heart crumbled when I read Rachel’s last words to me.
Chapter 3
~Eleanor~
Irub my hand across my forehead in frustration as the wind at the top of the Empire State Building whips my hair back and forth despite the unusually warm early fall weather in the city. “I don’t know what to do.”
The letter from Rachel’s attorney could change my life if I want it to. The question is, do I? Am I ready to take the grand leap and fly? I tilt my head back as if the sky can somehow give me the answers to questions I never thought I would have to answer.
I feel a tap on my shoulder. Whirling around, afraid somehow I was followed here to my secret thinking place, I marginally relax when a woman holds up her cell phone, practically dancing in her excitement. “Excuse me, would you mind taking our picture?” She’s wrapped in the arms of a slightly shorter man, but I can’t help but notice the beaming smiles on both their faces. Nor the sparkling diamond reflecting the sun on her left hand.
My lips curve upward even as I reach for her phone. “It would be my pleasure. And congratulations.”
“Thank you!” she gushes.
By this point, we’ve gathered the attention of a small crowd. I start to snap off a few photos. But I barely manage to keep the phone straight during my laughter when the woman grabs the man’s face between her hands and lays a surprise kiss on him. His eyes practically roll back in his head, but she lifts her hand with the rock to block both of their faces. The crowd breaks into raucous applause. God, the last time Julian kissed me so unabashedly where a crowd did that was…
And my mood plummets 102 floors down to the ground. I wait for the jubilant couple to finish with their embrace before I hand the phone back. “Congratulations again.”
“Thank you!” And with those words, the crowd that closed in around me dissipates, leaving me to the memories and dreams fighting for space in my head.
