Chapter 34
Rierson
“What’s wrong?’ I hear my dad call out as I race up the stairs to my bedroom.
Stripping out of my clothes, I drop them wherever they land and run as quickly as possible into the shower that’s on full blast. Grabbing the sponge and the gel, I begin vigorously scrubbing my body as hard as I can. I reach up to turn down the blast because there’s water that’s pooling in my eyes, leaking out.
It’s making me not be able to see where I need to wash.
I’m not sure if it’s the wetness on my pillow or Kelsey shaking me that wakes me up from my nightmare.
I twist away and sit up in bed. “I’m fine,” I struggle to get out.
Her hand moves up and down my back. “Ry, you’re shaking.” Kelsey’s voice is low in deference to either the late hour or my destroyed nerves. “Was it a nightmare?”
I don’t answer, my body still trapped in the memories that rarely make a reappearance. “Talk to me,” she pleads.
I’m unable to form words. Jesus, how am I supposed to tell her everything that I’ve buried inside me? Instead, I capture her hand as it smooths over the joint of my shoulder. “I’ll be okay,” I manage to choke out.
She lets out a sigh that’s both terrified and relieved. Pulling her around the tangled covers while I twist to face her, I make a promise to both of us. “It will be okay, Kels. It was just a nightmare.”
She bites down on her lower lip so hard that through the moonlit window, I can see the blood start to drain from it. Using my thumb, I pull it out. “Baby, I wouldn’t lie to you.” I’m just not telling her everything about the past because I have it under control.
With a sigh, she lets it out as a shaky smile forms. “I want to be there for you, Ry. The same way you were always there for me.”
“The same way I’ll always be,” I vow, before lowering my head down to hers to capture her tender lower lip between my teeth.
As I roll her onto her back, I give her something she should have already known. “Even back then, I knew you cared. These eyes of yours—” I kiss each lid closed. They remain shut for a moment before opening languidly, shining with an ethereal glow. “—were mirrors into your heart, Kels. And knowing I had a place in your heart kept me from sinking. My true regret is losing you before I could beg you for forgiveness. I lost a part of myself that’s been yours since you put honor and pride above fear.” I swipe at the tears flowing from her eyes. “I wish I’d been able to do the same.”
She reaches up and grips my wrists tightly. “Never apologize to me for what happened again,” she says fiercely. “I understand. And who’s to say if I weren’t threatened with something to do with my family or Angel, I wouldn’t have done the same thing. Love causes us to do things we’d never believe we were capable of otherwise.” Her voice is so adamant, I know she’s trying to tell me something. My breathing is harsh in the room.
“Like what?” She squirms beneath me. I pin her slightly beneath me. “Kels?”
Her hands are shaking against my wrists. Slowly she lifts one to touch my brow, my cheek, and my lips before her words cement our reunion into a permanent reconciliation. “I’d never believe I could look in the mirror and see my beauty—that is until I saw myself through your eyes. Because the hurt of yesterday is never going to come back and haunt me; you’d never let it.” What’s left of my nightmare dissipates when she clasps my face and pulls my lips down before murmuring, “Isn’t it beautiful the way love causes us to see ourselves?” right before her lips meet mine.
As I’m pulled under the gentle onslaught of her kiss, a small part of my mind is shrieking in panic.
After all, what will she say if she ever truly sees all of me?
Slowly, I kiss her until my racing heart calms, but where before I would have pulled her body beneath mine and loved it back to sleep, I just can’t.
I feel too tainted by the past to touch my future.