Prologue
Prologue – Kelsey
I’m so cold.
Even as the nurse lays another heated blanket over me to stop my shivering, I can’t seem to get warm.
It’s not nerves; it’s an unusual fear that what I’m about to subject myself to isn’t going to change a thing—that no matter what, I’ll always be what they taunted me with all through school.
Gross. Disgusting. Fat.
King Kong.
It may be a whisper only through my mind, but it’s like someone shouted it in the pre-op room. I’m more grateful than ever for the anti-nausea medicine that’s pumping through my system as my stomach roils. Tears well up in my eyes as I recall the last person to call me that. I’d just had my high school diploma placed in my hand. I was so eager to be done with Forsyth Academy, I never expected the attack.
Not from him.
Never from him.
He’d always protected me as much as he could from the bullies who thought nothing of shoving me to my knees, making me eat something, anything, before they’d let me stand again. There was the time I caught him out of the corner of my eye slapping someone’s hand away before they could slip another note into my bag commenting on my weight.
I began to think he looked inside and saw me. Maybe he didn’t care for me the way I did him, but Rierson Perrault was my first love. It wasn’t because his smile made my stomach clench or the way his dark hair would fall across his forehead when it was drying. It was because he had something everyone else at that school didn’t have.
A heart.
Then I made a fatal mistake, and it showed me there’s no mercy for someone like me, only different levels of hell to endure. God, why was I so stupid to leave my bag with my journal in it after I was cornered in the library that day by the cheerleaders?
It wasn’t long before posters of King Kong holding a miniaturized Rierson were photoshopped around campus. Sections of my handwriting blown up and slapped in every bathroom stall.
And the cafeteria? I groan aloud, drawing the attention of a nurse.
“Are you all right, Miss Kennedy? It won’t be long now.” She reaches over and pats my hand kindly.
“I’m fine,” I murmur.
No, it won’t be long until every wish I’ve ever made comes true. By working at a job I never wanted to for years, I’ve managed to save up enough money for what’s about to happen. Soon the past will be erased. And maybe, just maybe one day, the pain inside will heal as well as I’m told the incisions will.
There’s a flurry of movement as one of the physician’s assistants comes in. Rick, a handsome man in blue scrubs, leans over me. “Are you ready, Kelsey?” He’s been kind over the few years I’ve known him.
I know he’s trying to reassure me, but I can barely nod. I’m too overwhelmed to speak.
“Then let’s get you to the surgical suite.” Whistling a tune, he walks alongside as my bed is wheeled down the corridor. “Dr. Toli is getting scrubbed in. While we’re en route, can you tell me your full name, date of birth, and what we’re doing today.”
I manage to rattle off the first two. When it comes to the third, I flush hard. “A vertical gastric bypass with a full panniculectomy.” I wait for the attractive assistant to make some cutting remark, but all he does is smile.
“Excellent. Are you excited? Nervous?”
I chew on my lip before I answer, “Anxious to get started.”
By this point, we’ve reached the OR suite. Rick lowers the bedside rail and helps me to sit up. The anxiety medicine they pumped into my IV earlier makes me a bit woozy. “Kelsey, do you remember what they said you’d have to do at this point in your pre-op appointment?”
I nod. I weigh so much, the doctors and nurses can’t lift me onto the table to begin my procedure. “Yes.” I start to swing my legs over the side.
“Take it easy,” he warns. Soon, I’m standing next to the surgical table where, for the next nine hours, I’m going to trust Dr. Toli and his team to change my life.
“Okay, Kelsey. Are you ready to climb up? You can wait to take off your gown until you’re up there if you’re more comfortable.”
I shake my head. With a determination I didn’t realize I had, I reach behind me. It takes a quick flick of my wrist to undo the bow holding the enormous surgical gown. It pools near my feet. Rick kicks it out of the way so no one trips on the tent of material.