Page 88 of Ripple Effect
59
Present Day
Elizabeth
“Darcy?” Dr. Powell’s voice holds a note of amusement.
“Let me assure you, our dog is a flirty pain in the ass,” I tell him. There’s a roar of laughter. “If Cal intended to get me a guard dog, Darcy sucks. I don’t care if it is part German shepherd, those traits are obviously suppressed by the golden retriever.”
More chuckles. I continue. “Thank God for Josh. By the time I did come home, Darcy was fully housebroken though. And saddle broken,” I add on.
“Saddle broken?” Dr. Powell’s voice is strangled.
I nod. “Sydney was having her baby dolls ride him like he was their own mini personal pony. I swear, it was like she was training him. I have no doubt once this one is big enough, it will be Darcy who is trying to get him or her up on his back.” I touch my stomach gently.
“Do you know what you’re having yet?”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to know. I want to be able to memorize the look on Cal’s face when the doctor tells us for the first time.” There are so many other horrible memories I want to subdue with good ones.
“How long before your time aboard theSea Forcedid you find out you were pregnant?”
I open my mouth and close it. This is hard for me to admit. “I suspected it for a few weeks after Cal confronted me in my office. But I was so certain it was stress.” I reach for my juice and take another small sip, needing the emotional break.
Dr. Powell quietly states, “But it wasn’t.”
My heart aches in ways that years later I know I’ll never recover from. “No. I faced the music the day after I received Darcy from Cal. I went to my gynecologist and found out for sure.” Tears fill my eyes. “I felt the need to keep this super quiet until I got back.”
“Yet you told your brother?”
I nod, tears falling openly. “I did. Cal did so much traveling. I remember him saying someone should always know all of your itinerary and medical conditions. For me, since Cal was out of my life at that point, that person became Josh.”
“What was his reaction?” Dr. Powell sets his papers aside, reaches for a bottle of water. Just the sight of it makes my stomach queasy.
Waiting for the nausea to pass, I admit, “He freaked out. He told me I should call Cal immediately, but I wanted the time to determine if I thought we could move on from what happened.” Lowering my head, I whisper, “I put myself first.”
“There’s nothing shameful in that, Libby.”
“If I had spoken to Cal, there’s no way I would have been on theSea Force. Maybe our child would still be alive.” The guilt of this has lived with me for more than five years. It’s almost cleansing for me to say it out loud.
“And maybe something else would have happened. Have you thought about things from that perspective?”
“I have so much guilt from that time in my life, it’s hard to separate it all.”
“Then maybe you need to hear what Cal has to say about it,” he declares.
My head snaps up. Then calm, even footsteps sound behind me. I’d know that walk anywhere. As he gets closer, I smell the cologne he sprayed on before we left the hotel this morning. And everything in my heart settles.
Cal.
I twist around as he approaches the couch I’m sitting on. “What…” I start to ask.
“You didn’t think I was going to let you go through this alone, did you?” Cal’s breath whispers over my lips before they take mine in far too brief of a caress.
“Thank you for joining us, Cal.”
“I appreciate the invitation, Dr. Powell.”
“Your wife and I were just discussing her guilt over your lost child.” Cal’s hand squeezes mine so hard, I risk a glance over at him.
