Page 20 of Ripple Effect
“It’s what she would have said,” I tell him sincerely before I walk out the door and back out into the beautiful spring day.
* * *
It’s dusk.Everyone’s who’s supposed to leave has gone. Most of the family is up at the main house, still laughing and telling stories about Nonna. I’ve put on a pair of jeans and a black T-shirt that says “Sunflowers stand tall on the darkest of days to find sunlight.” It was a gift from Nonna after I opened Deja Vu.
Heading down to my favorite spot down by the river, I’ve got a blanket tucked under one arm. My hair, which has been twisted up all day, is flowing freely down my back. There’s a part of me that will never grow tired of the view, the silence that’s only broken by the rushing water, and the smell of the wood mixed with the grass and flowers. Spreading my blanket, I kick off my sneakers before I sink down. “It will always be home, Nonna, but it will never be the same.”
“I never had a family or a home, so I don’t know what you’re feeling right now.”
I jump at the sound of Cal’s voice. “Sweet ladybug! What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be gone? Or, at the very least, with Sam?”
“I think I need to clear up some misconceptions. I was going to do that earlier, but it didn’t quite seem like the time. You seem more yourself here.” Before I can refute him, his sensual mouth curves. “Nice shirt.”
“It was a gift from Nonna.”
“An appropriate one. I still can’t see them and not think of you.”
And just like that, it all comes rushing back—the excitement, the disappointment, the anxiousness. And finally, the crushing pain. “I’ll be sure to burn it, then,” I lash out. “Now, do you mind leaving?” My hands are in fists at my side.
“I wasn’t honest with you, Libby.”
“Elizabeth,” I correct him scathingly. “And no kidding, Cal. I figured you just weren’t that into me when I didn’t hear from you after I’d hear about how well you were doing over the last few years. I’d like to remain cordial, but I buried someone I was close to today.”
“Jesus Christ, not that into you?” He stalks forward until his face is inches from mine. “I was so consumed by you, I stayed away for your own good.”
The sound of my laughter is like glass shattering. “How kind of you.”
“That’s the goddamn truth. I can’t give you all this.” Cal’s arm jerks behind him to indicate the estate. I’m about to toss him into the river behind me for thinking for a moment I gave a shit about money when he stuns me quiet. “I don’t have a family to introduce you to. I don’t have a ‘Nonna’ to learn from let alone cry over. I don’t come from anything good. You abhor liars? I’m a consummate one. I’ve lied from the moment we met, letting you think I was good enough for you.” He exhales roughly. “I just wanted you to know I always had you on my mind. There wasn’t a day you didn’t pass through it. After all, how do you forget the only person in the world who’s ever made you smile?” Carefully, as if he’s afraid I’m going to move, he reaches up and drags his fingers down my face.
The same way he did back at college.
Then he begins to walk away.
I struggle for enough time for my heart to beat twice before I call out, “I would have shared.”
He stills. “What did you say?”
“If I’d thought you had cared, I would have been willing to share my family, Cal. We always have room for more.”
He turns and faces me. “More…people?’ he asks carefully.
I shake my head. “More hearts. The people you saw today were all loved.”
His face twists. “What if I’m not good enough?”
“I can’t answer that.” There’s a lengthy silence between us—two people who each ache for the other but can’t escape the past enough to reach out.
Then we both do at the same time.
The tips of our fingers brush first. They slide against one another until our fingers are locked. Both of us are breathing hard as the distance is closed. I step off my oasis as Cal comes closer.
And we find the beginning of us somewhere in between as he takes me into his arms and just holds on.
“I’m sorry, Libby,” he starts.
“Shh,” I whisper. “Tell me later. Right now, just stand here with me.”
For a long time, we do exactly that until the fear that this is a dream recedes with the sun. Then Cal guides me back onto my blanket and begins to ask me about Nonna.
