Page 133 of Close Match
It wasn’t until my fiancée walked into the room waving a stick telling me she was pregnant this week that I ended up doing my DNA test. It didn’t matter if I ever found out whether I flushed when I drank alcohol since it’s been almost four years and seven months since I’ve had a drink. I count the days not only because I’ve been sober that whole time, but because the orbit of my world righted itself.
Linnie doesn’t hold me to my sobriety. It’s my choice. Deciding every day to be sober is entirely on me just as it was on her mother and every other person who walks the same road we do. None of what happened was her fault, so why should my recovery be her responsibility? Because she loves me? That makes me damned lucky. What it doesn’t do is make her a fucking martyr or a nursemaid.
That long-ago night of the first BADASS benefit, I was already texting my father—our father. My texts were so long, I switched to voice texts because my fingers couldn’t keep up the pace. Giving up trying to walk and text at the same time, I stood on the corner of Fifth Avenue and just babbled into my phone for an hour. People must have thought I was crazy. I didn’t care.
Maybe Van Gogh needed all the stars to dream, to hope, but I just needed one.
Linnie and I spent the next few days together exploring her New York. She showed me the city the tourists overlook: tiny neighborhoods, hidden markets, and above all, the best place to get a slice of pizza. “On your next trip, I’ll show you more,” she promised me. I grabbed at her words with one hand as the other was filled with the best pizza I’ve ever had. She laughed as I was already searching for flights on my phone before we left our cramped table at John’s in the West Village.
I still recall the last time I kissed her for the first time. I hadn’t instigated anything between us on any of my visits on her days off duringStars. But we had just come back from a long run through Central Park two months after the benefit. I almost tripped over my feet when I realized where I was.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She jogged back to where I was frozen in place.
“It was here where it all began.” I reached out and tugged her into my arms. “I was standing right here the first time you ran by—when I felt what stardust felt like.”
Linnie was a complete mess. Her hair was flying out of her long braid in every direction. And she’d never looked more beautiful when I cupped her chin and lowered my lips to hers, murmuring, “Nothing between us but air.”
Long moments later, we were only broken apart when another runner bumped into us. Her eyes shining, she pulled back and touched her fingers to her lips. Trapping our taste against her lips, she whispered, “And that’s what hope tastes like. It’s perfect.”
When we weren’t together, we talked on the phone every day. Whether it was the big things or the little things, we just wanted a touchpoint with each other. At first, Linnie admitted, “I don’t want you to think you can’t talk to me about your day. You’re not alone even if I’m not there.”
The truth is, I wanted her to know she could lean on me as well. If we were going to work for the rest of our lives, then she needed to know I was here to shoulder her burdens and not fall apart the way I did before.
The last night Linnie morphed into Hera, we woke up in each other’s arms. It coincided with my tenth month of sobriety. When we woke in each other’s arms and celebrated, we closed that chapter of her life and focused on our future. One where I’d made a decision to move to New York full time.
My eyes drifting to where I can just see her curled up on the couch, I think about the quiet ceremony we have planned on the farm with Mom, Dad, Bristol, Simon, and Marco once this semester of school is done. We’ve been engaged for years, but Linnie isn’t in any rush. “The right moment takes time. We have plenty of that.” She’s right.
Just like I knew it was the perfect time to slip the ruby on her finger on the anniversary of my sixteenth month of sobriety. When I did, I whispered, “Life has taken us on one hell of a road. But because of you, I got help. Because of me, I’ll stay healthy. Because of us, we’ll make sure we give our love the time and care it needs. Just like those trees on Skyline. For years they’ve stood there sprouting the red leaves the first time I kissed you. I can still see the way they illuminated your face when our lips met under the trees that were this color.”
Her eyes, just as bright in our bed because of the tears overflowing them, blinked rapidly. “Yes.”
“You have to let me ask the question first, my love.”
“Then ask before I figure out a way to see if that ring fits you,” she blubbered.
“Evangeline Katherine Brogan.” She’d long since had Todd dropped from her name legally. “Will you do me the honor of becoming the other part of my heart for eternity?” I slipped the ring on the third finger of her left hand. “And becoming my wife?”
“I already gave you my answer.” Then she drove her fingers in my hair and sealed our engagement with a kiss.
* * *
Saliva’s drying upin my mouth as I spit into the tube again. “What a way to celebrate our future child.” I curse as spit lands on the lip of the not-so-very helpful mouthpiece and ends up on my hand. I try to scoop it up to throw it into the tube.
“Eww!” Linnie strolls into our kitchen. “You can’t do that. You might skew the results!”
“Jesus, it’s not like we’re looking for any deep dark secrets with this, right?” I demand.
Linnie taps her long nails against her lips. “True, but we should know about any paternal DNA issues before this little one makes an appearance.” She pats her still-flat stomach. We only found out this week she’s pregnant, and I don’t think I’ve had a full night sleep since.
On the other hand, my bride-to-be is calm about the whole thing. She wanted to wait until she’s done with her current show before she announces her pregnancy, so we’re waiting before her publicist makes the announcement. While her pregnancy was a complete surprise, the timing couldn’t have been better for her professionally as there’s nothing on the immediate horizon she wants to act in.
We’ve jetted between New York and Virginia for the last few years while Linnie continued to saunter up and down the Great White Way. As for me, I decided to go back to school while Linnie was working. It felt crazy, and frankly scary as hell, at my age to walk into a classroom. And I finally walked across a graduation stage where not only my parents but Linnie and her family could watch when I got my master’s degree a few months ago. Seeing the look of pride on their faces made every hour of hard work worth it.
Linnie slides her arms around my waist. Her fingers trail over the waistband of my boxers, and saliva pools in my mouth. I quickly spit before I swallow it out of agony. “What are you doing?”
Pressing a kiss to my back, I can feel her lips in a smile. “Giving you the incentive to finish.”
Yeah, that’ll do it. I finish with the tube, cap it off, and put it back in the counter as Linnie’s fingertips trail up the inside of my thighs. “Hmm. I think your next paper should be on Pavlovian responses. You seem to have the same reaction every time I do this.” Her nails leave a trail of fire in their wake.
