Page 96 of Free to Live
Not that Grace is a mistake. Never that.
“It’s just, I trusted her, Hols.” I was sitting at her bar while she made up a snack board when we finally got out of bed. Snagging a carrot, I chomped down. “There were reasons I wanted to wait. I wanted to get the house ready, be more comfortable at the job. Hell, I actually wanted to ask her to marry me.”
Holly looked thoughtful, which I appreciated. I knew the conversation couldn’t be an easy one. “Do you think she needed that acknowledgment of your relationship because of her parents? From what you’ve told me, they didn’t approve back then. Maybe she needed a reason to not cave in under pressure, Joe.” Shaking her head, she turned back to cubing some cheese. “I didn’t know her or you, but if she was prone to giving in, it might explain things. It wasn’t to undermine you; it was to shore herself up.”
I was thunderstruck. Because in just a few words, Holly took away months of anger and bitterness, leaving me with a tremendous sadness for my deceased fiancée.
It’s that sadness carries me toward her father. I’ve moved on to a woman who not only ignites my soul, she also knows how to calm the out-of-control blazes.
What do he and Eden have except tragic memories? And here I’m about to add to them when I give him this? My hand clutches tighter around the soft pink leather journal I’d see Mary writing in.
Unlike the last time I saw him here, Seth isn’t antagonistic when he stands to greet me. “Joe.” His voice is weary and laced with latent pain. As a father, as someone who did love Mary, my heart aches for him.
But I have Holly. The warmth of her love fills me with the strength I know I’ll need to get through this meeting.
“Seth.” I hold out my hand to shake his. To my surprise, he takes it.
“I appreciate you agreeing to meet with me. Eden…I…we both know we’ve been less than supportive.”
“Of all people, I think you know I mean it when I say I truly appreciate your pain.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, son.” For once the endearment doesn’t grate like it normally does. Seth’s eyes are red-rimmed. “You’re a solid man, a good father. I used—no, abused—you when the reality was, I wasn’t ready to let my baby go.” Tears well up. “And now she’s gone anyway.”
Lifting the book to the table, Seth’s eyes latch onto it. His face pales. He clearly recognizes it as well. He should as Mary wrote in it throughout her pregnancy. “She never meant to hurt any of us, Seth. Not by what’s written in here nor by dying.” I let out a sigh. “Mary was doing what she did best—trying to find a balance between the ones she loved. Trying to find the strength to do that.”
“That’s…wise.” His voice is husky.
I don’t mention it was Holly who gave me that insight. I slide the book across the table. I expect him to grab for it, but he doesn’t. He just stares at it as if he wishes he could open it and hear his daughter’s voice one last time other than in his head. Reaching out his hand, he pushes it back to me.
“I don’t need to read it, Joe. Eden and I believe everything you said that day.”
Speechless, I fall back against the booth in shock.
“It’s going to take you a hell of a long time for you to forgive what we did to you…to Grace. But you deserve our apology. That’s why I wanted to meet with you today. You’re a fine man and a better father, Joe. Maybe when you find it in your heart, we can try again.” His voice cracks. “Grace, she’s all we’ve got left now.” Quickly, he slides out of the booth to make his way out of the door.
Before he makes it past me, I grab his arm. “Tell Eden we’ll figure something out soon. Grace misses you both.”
He swallows, nods, and leaves without another word.
I sit and stare at the book. At my elbow appears a cup of coffee. Matt says, “A hell of a lot of people would be proud of what you just did,” before he ambles off.
Lifting the hot coffee to my lips, I sit there sipping it thinking about the past, the present, and the future.
And it’s with the future in mind, I turn to the pages in the journal where Mary talks about getting pregnant deliberately, and I tear them out and fold them up. I’ll drop by Amaryllis Events to ask Holly to shred them.
If Grace wants to read her mother’s words, she only needs to know how much she was wanted. Because she absolutely was from the moment I knew she was coming.
Accidents, even staged ones, can be miracles too.
53
Holly
Idon’t consider it lying, per se. I told Joe I’d be later than usual for dinner with him and Grace because I have to drop off photos to a client.
I am dropping off photos.
It’s just the client part that’s a bit iffy.
