Page 24 of Free to Live
“No, what happened to you and the police and fire department of Collyer—people who keep us safe—is unreal. And trust me, we’re going to help make this a day you’ll never forget.”
“I absolutely have time to come in and talk with you after my shift ends at three, but I’d also like to bring in the other members of the planning committee,” I blurt out. “I also have to pick my daughter up by six…”
“Joe, if you call the school, I can grab Grace when I pick up Kalie if we run over,” Ali offers.
“I’ll get Grace but…” I hesitate.
“But what?” Cassidy asks.
Are you all for real?I swear I think the words until Ali and Cassidy both break up laughing. “Oh, God,” I moan.
“Come see for yourself,” Ali challenges.
A grin breaks out across my face. “I will. Is there anything I can bring?”
Cassidy’s responds, “No. I have it all handled.”
Ali’s laughter can be heard through the line. “She isn’t kidding when she says that, Joe. Knowing my sister, it’s likely she’ll have a twenty-page, single-spaced typed plan…ow, Cass! That hurt!” Their antics have me chuckling.
This all may work out. I let out a massive sigh of relief.
“Let me let you go so I can call the other members of the committee.”
“Until three,” Cassidy offers.
“We’ll see you later.” Ali disconnects the call in my ear.
Leaning back in my chair, I hope this works out. While I don’t rely upon the Victims Assistance Fund, many do because living in Fairfield County isn’t cheap by anyone’s stretch of the imagination. Doing so as a single parent is next to impossible.
Even with the small inheritance I received from my maternal grandparents, my salary is stretched paper-thin with the addition of daycare to a budget that includes a mortgage and utilities. Even though Mary was a teacher and her income wasn’t enormous either, we would have had a comfortable life together. She had been planning on staying home those first few years with our child so we didn’t have this added cost, but like so many other things, that changed when she died.
While my parents were amazing not only in getting me back on a path that didn’t have me wishing I could shove my body into the dark earth next to where Mary was buried, I could only rely on them for so long before I had to pull myself from the pain. And while I refused to take money from Victims Assistance, I relied heavily on their counseling services to get me through the worst of the grief that would barely let me hold my daughter without collapsing to my knees. Three years ago, I lashed out at everything and everyone—including Jason—the man who tried to save Mary’s life. This 5K is more than a fund-raiser; it’s personal gratitude to each and every person who pulled me from the abyss.
Until the night I got the call to come to the hospital about Mary’s wreck, I’d led a charmed life. I was the kind of guy who figured out what I wanted, and nothing and no one stopped me from doing it, having it, beating it. It took a long time to realize I didn’t just lose most of my heart, I lost all sense of self that night. I often wonder what Mary would think about the man I am now. I’m not always the funny guy with a joke who made her laugh. I used to be a colossal wiseass; I find myself much more empathetic now. I’m a lot more somber than I used to be.
And I’m a lot quicker to admit my faults.
Those who have been along this path with me worry I’m living under her shadow. That’s not the case. I’m just no longer the person I used to be. It’s as if the fire that used to burn so high was dampened in me. It flickers on occasion, but for the most part, the flames are banked. There’s nothing there to kindle them.
Fire needs fuel to burn, and there’s nothing to feed mine with. Not anymore.
Through circumstances I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, I’ve changed into a man whose path has one clear direction: raising a beautiful little girl to become an extraordinary woman.
Picking up the phone again, I make a quick phone call to my counterpart over at CPD. Detective Idrissi assures me he and Chief Drever will meet my father and me at Amaryllis Events at three to see what the Freeman siblings can come up with. Hanging up, I yell out, “Hey, old man! Got an update for you!”
“Better be a good one,” I hear yelled back at me.
It is. At least, I hope it will be. Standing, I make my way back into his office. I’m rewarded with a huge smile, a slap on the back, a “Great job, son. Come grab me when you leave,” before he throws me out of his office.
I roll my shoulders and head back to the desk I commandeered where I’ve been reviewing old case files even as I study for the lieutenant’s exam. I’m determined to be a better firefighter, a better man, a better father.
All for Grace.
10
Joseph
“It’s a pleasure to see you again, Joe.” Ali Freeman firmly shakes my hand after she takes those of my father, Detective Mike Idrissi, and Chief Pamela Drever. “Please take a seat.” We’ve been escorted into the conference room at Amaryllis Events by a young blonde woman I don’t recognize. “Jenna, would you mind telling the others we’ve gathered?” She nods before disappearing. Ali offers me a quick smile. “That’s my sister Emily’s future stepdaughter and one of our interns. She’s home on a break between semesters at UConn.”
