Page 106 of Free to Live
“Joe, you might be waiting a lifetime,” Ali warns.
“You don’t understand.” I stand, unable to keep still. “The feelings I have for her mean I’ll wait forever even if it means one more day of her loving me.”
Turning, I walk up to the desk and ask the person behind the counter where the chapel is.
Even as I make my way there, I slowly begin to pray.
59
Holly
I’m suspended in the space between being fully awake and sleep. I drift between one and the other in what seems like one heartbeat and the next. But I hear the occasional bit of conversation when I slide into consciousness.
“She’s damn lucky they got to her in time.”
“Just a few more minutes and her family wouldn’t still be in the waiting room.”
Or another time.
“I wonder how long it will take for her hands to heal.”
My hands would likely heal a lot faster than my heart.
“Hols, it’s Cori and Ali. We’re all here, baby. Come back to us.”
Always there for me. From the moment we were in that damn container together.
Then my subconscious drags me under. Remembering the smells of the fire, the acrid smell of the smoke, Joe not being by my side to keep the demons away, my mind goes back to the night I pulled the trigger. I try to scream as my nightmares assail me, but the smoke I inhaled decimated my voice. Still, even in my sleep, something must have alerted someone because the next thing I know, my writhing body is weighted down with no help.
Shit, I’ve been drugged.
There’s no escape now.
Joe. Even though his love for me isn’t the same as mine for him, I can’t help but wish he was next to me. My soul is screaming out for him.
As the drugs take away the pain of each breath, I’m dragged deep into my own subconscious to where I’ve hidden myself to face the most significant challenge yet.
My life.
* * *
“You’re not supposedto be here.”
“Why? Because I killed someone? I never meant to kill her.”
“No, you meant to harm yourself. I’m so sorry, but it had to be that way. You’ll understand. It’s wasn’t your time. You have to live first.”
Sure, I do.“I don’t have a life. I have a penance.”
She tilts her head to the side. “Did you know your brother brings me flowers?”
I hesitate. It isn’t my place to share this. “Jason…”
“Still feels guilt since he couldn’t save me. I know.”
My smile is filled with bitterness. “I guess you know it all, then.”
“He’s down there praying for your life—praying for your every breath. He’s praying for love.”
