Page 82 of Free to Live
“We’re all in agreement, Hols. Nothing can hurt us now. Caleb and Keene have done everything possible to make it so our pasts ceased to exist.”
Cassidy nods in agreement. “If this is the burden holding you back from a miracle, let us help you cut the straps to release it.”
My hand begins to tremble beneath Ali’s. “What if he walks away? I told him about some of it last night…”
“And where was he today, Hols?” Cassidy presses. Her fingers tap the now cold cup of coffee in front of her.
I shrug my shoulders weakly. “This—our story—we’re so much more.”
Ali leans her head on Cassidy’s shoulder briefly. “Of course. Because together, we’re everything.”
With my sister’s simple words, the panic begins to recede. “Yeah. We are.”
Ali’s fingers dance lightly over my amaryllis tattoo. “Strength, Hols. You have more than your fair share of it. And remember, you have all of ours if you need to lean on it.”
“I don’t think you’re going to need much though,” Cassidy interjects. “Joe’s not a fool. He’s had love and lost it. He already knows what the worst-case scenario is in this situation.”
“What’s that?” I whisper. For me, it’s imagining the revulsion on Joe’s face as I tell him our family history.
“Losing someone he loves. Again. Only this time, it will be his fault.”
44
Joseph
I’ve been waiting at the house for hours since I left Holly at The Coffee Shop. There’s been nothing from her—not a text or a call.
Pacing back and forth in the room where she bared so much of herself to me the night before, I groan aloud. What if I was wrong? What if she can’t forgive me?Then you find a way to break through, I tell myself firmly.You don’t give up at the first challenge.Like the love I had for Mary, the love I have for Grace, the feelings Holly generates in me are like complex and endless. And I can’t let them go.
Standing in front of the fireplace, I realize the pain I usually feel when I look at the picture of Mary and Grace isn’t there, although the sadness will always linger at a beautiful life cut way too short. “I’ll always miss you,” I tell her honestly, my fingers gently tracing the edges of the frame. “There won’t be a day some part of me won’t. You gave me a miracle that kept me going in the long years it’s taken me to recover from your death, but…” My voice gets thick. “But my feelings for Holly are different, Mar. Probably because I’m different. I’m not the same man you fell for. A part of me will always love you. But I have to move on, Mar. I’ve been fighting my feelings for Holly because…”
I’m so caught up in trying to vocalize my emotions to my dead fiancée that I never heard the storm door open. I jump, almost knocking the frame off the mantle when I hear Holly’s voice complete my thought. “Because feeling leaves you vulnerable to everything you’ve managed to protect yourself against.” Her golden eyes are damp as if she’s been crying, but they’re filled with an understanding that relaxes something deep inside of me.
My hand slides away from the frame, but I don’t move toward her. I sense the distance is by her design. Cold whispers across my neck, not from any chill in the spring air. “Yes.”
She swallows. Even from this distance, I can see her eyes begin to water. “Did I ruin everything?” I rasp. I’m tortured, tormented, to think between last night and right now I’ve hurt this woman who has made me realize that love is worth anything, even walking through fire.
Especially if she’s standing through the wall of flames on the other side.
“No.” Her head drops. I watch her rub her hand against her tattoo back and forth before her head snaps up with determination. “But I might.”
My heart stops in my chest. “What do you mean?”
“I am so much more than what I told you last night. About who I am. No,” she corrects herself. “We are. And before you become any more involved than you already are, you’ll know it all.”
I let out a deep breath. “Why do I have a feeling I should sit for this?”
Her golden eyes are dulled. “I’d recommend it.”
I cross to the couch and drop down onto it, and Holly shifts so she’s standing in front of me. She doesn’t realize it, but with everything she’s managed to instill in me about photography in the last few months, she’s doesn’t know she’s standing in my ideal photo. Mary’s picture is on the mantel, just far enough away to be out of focus over Holly’s left shoulder. Holly’s standing in front of me, vibrant and full of energy with her leg thrown out to the side in the final third of the “frame.” My past, my present, and my future, all are coalescing together inside my heart. Something that had been tightening inside of me releases. No matter what she’s about to tell me, I know it’s going to be okay.
It has to be because it can’t be any other way.
“Holly?” Startled, she jumps a bit. She’s frightened, and I wish I could ease that fear with something other than words. “Talk to me.”
“Before I begin, I need to ask you to promise me something.” My eyes drop down to her full lips. If it involves my lips on hers, that will be an easy promise to make.
“Joe!” she snaps, but she can’t prevent her lips twitching.
