Page 76 of Free to Live
Oh my God. I jump up out of my chair. “Are you kidding me? What is wrong with those people?”
Joe nods at me. “I know. But just the threat sent me into a tailspin, Hols. I went back to the station freaking out.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask. I’m not judging, I just want to know.
He barks out a rough laugh. “Why didn’t you talk to me about Melissa?”
I flush. “Is that her name? I guess because she seemed like more,” I say bravely when all I want to do is cry.
“Hols…” he starts with an apology in his voice, but I plow on.
“It wasn’t my place to ask if you were finally moving on with that part of your life.”
“Except I wasn’t.”
“That’s what it looked like,” I whisper.
He grips my jaw and forces me to look at him. “It wasn’t.”
I’m trembling at his touch. It physically pains me to pull away. “We’re supposed to be friends. You came to me about Justin,” I whisper. Pain whips across his face. “But I had no idea of what was happening with your in-laws,” I conclude.
“They’re not my in-laws,” he bites out.
“Close enough,” I shoot back.
“No. And maybe that’s why I didn’t say anything.” Shoving himself from the chair, he starts pacing back and forth in front of me. “Do you realize what it’s like to realize you love someone and that you’ll never be good enough for them?”
“I have a fair idea,” I say softly, but Joe doesn’t hear me, lost in his own confession. He stops in front of the picture of Mary. Lovingly he traces a finger around the edge immersed in a love so strong, death can’t break it. I feel the same painful burn I always do whenever I watch him do that, knowing what I feel for him will never be enough.
I will never be enough.
“Eden and Seth hated me from the moment they set eyes on me,” he tells me.
I’m shocked. “What? Why?”
“Oh, maybe because I was an arrogant, know-it-all, not good enough for their precious daughter? Or maybe because of the fact I was with their daughter at all.” Joe’s face takes on a resigned cast. “Mary wasn’t naive. She saw how they treated me and was as upset by it as you are. She just chose to try to fix it differently.” I’m not surprised he can tell how infuriated I am considering my fingers are clenched into fists at my side. “She believed Grace would bring out the best in them over time. Then the accident happened.” Taking a deep breath, he admits, “It was never your brother-in-law they wanted to harm after Mary died; it was me. If it weren’t for me, then Mary would never have been out in that car in the first place. She would never have been out with ‘that child.’ She would never have needed new clothes. She would have had it all.” A lone tear slips down Joe’s face.
I’m compelled to move toward him. Brushing it away, I whisper, “Did they say that to you?”
He nods. “In the middle of The Coffee Shop. Right in front of Matt. I mean, Hols—” He swipes at his own eyes. “Matt did everything he could to intervene. For years, I’ve scoured the accident reports. I know in my head it’s an accident but…”
“No,” I say firmly. I cup his cheek. “It’s not your fault. It’s the fault of the driver of that damned car. Where is he now?”
“Serving time for manslaughter, but she was out shopping because…”
“Because she wanted something nice for her family around the holidays, Joe. Millions of women everywhere were doing the same thing that day. Her parents have no right to blame you. You shouldn’t be blaming yourself.”
Shuddering, he lays his forehead against mine. “I was trying to protect you from them. They’ve made Grace cry before.” Immediately, my body tenses. I want to go find these people and slap some sense into them.
Dropping my hand, I whisper, “What? Because of me?”
Joe quickly continues. “No. Sorry. Because Grace apparently wasn’t missing Mary enough. Sick, right?” Heartbreakingly disturbed is more like it, but I stay silent so he can continue. “I wanted to protect you from having to deal with them, and all I did instead was push you away.”
A sound tries to rip from me. I turn away to conceal it. When I finally have myself under control, I say flatly, “So, you weren’t ready to trust me.”
He spins me around. “No, it’s me not trusting myself. Somewhere along the way you effortlessly became a part of my life. I’d come home and find myself thinking of you, not of the past. I don’t know when you filled in the loneliness with laughter and the emptiness with smiles. I just know you did. And when it was gone because of my own damned mistake, I knew I had to fix it.”
By the time he’s done saying that to me, both of his hands are cupping my cheeks. Instinctively, we begin leaning toward each other when two things happen simultaneously: the phone rings and Grace yells, “Daddy! I’m getting hungry!”
