Page 33 of Free to Live
Jason begins choking with laughter behind me. “Jesus, Phil. That’s so much worse than Cass threatening to cut off all your hair.”
“Whose side are you on?” Phil demands of his husband.
“The side of love. Then the side right and sane. Always. Which is how I’ve survived being married to you,” he retorts.
I hear a deep rumble of laughter behind me that I’ve never heard before. Spinning on my booted heel, I find Joe Bianco’s hands braced on his knees as he’s doubled over. His head is dropped, and his shoulders are shaking.
Phil comes up behind me and kisses my cheek. “And that’s how you help heal a broken man, sister. Good job,” he whispers in my ear before he makes his way into the room to greet everyone.
I stand there frozen in place as Joe continues to laugh. When he finally gets it under control, he stands and wipes his fingers under his eyes. “I needed that.”
“Yeah?” It’s a question because I’m not really sure where to go with this. But Joe hands it to me like the gift it is.
For all of us.
“So many nights after a shittastic day like the one you know I had, there’s been nothing and no one there to help take away the pain, Holly.” His eyes do a scan of the room where his daughter is dancing with my niece. He smiles falters a little as Cassidy is twirled by Caleb to the strains of Luke Bryan. He chuckles again as he watches Phil get sprayed in the face by Em as she laughs at something he says. Jason merely shakes his head and pulls out a handkerchief. Too bad Jake’s at parent-teacher conferences of his own tonight. He’d have been impressed with Em’s aim. “For once I’m not sitting around wondering if the only blessing I’ve got is Grace.” Turning, his dark blue eyes meet mine. “I’m beginning to think there might be more I’ve encountered and just haven’t seen, you know?”
I nod, choked up that someone else sees my family that way.
“I’ll say thanks in advance for a great dinner.” His lips crook up in a half smile before he bravely makes his way into the fray. Quick arm squeezes from Cassidy and Ali, handshakes from most of the others, Joe settles. And even as I make my way over to my camera, I realize I don’t need the lens to see the burdens from earlier in the day have already started to lift.
The glimmer of a miracle is shining. I just want to see if I can capture it on camera.
14
Joseph
“Ican’t thank you enough for a wonderful evening.” I’m walking out with Holly, carrying an exhausted Grace in my arms.
Holly stops by the hall closets to collect our coats. “It was our pleasure. And I feel you have a much clearer understanding of what we’re trying to do for the race, don’t you?”
“Completely. And I haven’t laughed so hard since…” My voice trails off.Since Mary died.But I don’t feel like it’s a betrayal to think that. I feel like it’s another step toward the healing journey I’m supposed to take as Grace and I learn to function in this world without her.
Holly smiles, but her eyes are quiet even as she begins to thread Grace’s arms through her little coat. “You’re awfully good at that,” I note.
“I’ve had a lot of practice,” she murmurs. Pulling the curls away from Grace’s forehead, she manages to get her little hat on snugly. “Can you manage your own coat, or do you want to transfer her to me?”
“If you could just help me with the sleeves. I really don’t want to wake her.”
“Not a problem.” Holly steps behind me. Efficiently, she holds my coat out for me to slide my arms into while I shift my baby girl from one arm to another without waking her. “Nice trick, Dad,” she teases.
My lips quirk. They’ve done that a lot tonight. I’ve also felt a loneliness I never expected to in a room crowded full of people.
Maybe time does take the edge off of the of pain because, for the first time since Mary died, I was able to see the beauty of the relationships before me and not feel envious because I didn’t have her at my side. Instead, I was wondering if I was always going to feel alone.
Throughout dinner, I got to let the weight of today’s nightmare slide off my shoulders as I observed the banter between the Freeman siblings and their significant others. Even though minor skirmishes erupted, it was funny to see how the family unilaterally goaded both Phil and Keene. I was fortunate to have Holly at my side translating much of what was happening at the table, otherwise, I know I would have been lost. Her occasional sidebar of “Don’t worry, Phil just likes riling up Keene as much as possible before seeing if he can explode,” along with “I’m so glad I brought my camera,” let me know this was usual family antics and not something I should feel concerned with.
There’s something unique about the woman before me. Like the rest of her family, she is compassionate and self-confident, but there’s something else I can’t quite pin down. I shake my head.
“Is there something wrong?” Her eyes, the color of the ancient coins, stare up at me in concern.
“No, thank you for all of your help tonight. It’s been the kind of day I didn’t expect to end with a smile on my face.”
Even as she runs her hand through her long hair and it catches fire in the light of the hall, my breath falters.
How is it possible this woman isn’t attached?
The thought runs through my head unbidden, and I immediately feel a sense of betrayal as I hold the manifestation of my love with another woman in my arms. I squeeze Grace harder, and she murmurs a protest.
