Page 30 of Free to Live
Someone else is over by the ambulance restocking it. My head swings that way, and I zoom in.
Joe.
I feel his father come up behind me even as I depress the shutter, his breath ragged. “These are the moments I’m proud to be sitting in the chair the most.” Then he leaves me to open the door to the side. “Come upstairs when you’re ready, Holly.”
I spend thirty minutes down in the bay absorbing the beautiful pain deep into my soul, click after click. Just as I turn and head upstairs, I feel a burn down the back of my spine. Turning back, I meet Joe’s eyes. From across the room, I can feel his pain as if it’s nails skating across my skin.
Lowering my camera, I find myself doing something instinctively. Lifting my closed left fist—behind which my amaryllis tattoo lies—I lay it across my chest in a silent tribute he won’t understand. But I do. Turning, I head upstairs to find the rest of the department on edge, affected by the day’s incident.
Because even though pain and depression could be a toxicity that spreads like a fire, there’s something in this building that puts it out even faster than water to a flame.
Family.
And I understand that feeling as I’m blessed with it every day.
I capture it all on my camera before hours later I drop by the chief’s office to let him know I have everything I need.
* * *
Later that day,I’m going through the pictures when Cassidy strolls into my office. “What are you thinking for the photos?”
Leaning forward in my chair, I tap my mouse a few times before the Photoshop file comes up on my giant monitor. When it does, Cassidy’s gasp fills me with warm satisfaction. “I think if we get permission from CPD and CFD to use these photos, the Victims Association is going to get a significant boost in their fund-raising,” I remark.
Cassidy’s fingers to try to trace the monitor. I’ve managed to capture the essence of both our police and fire departments: the fierceness, the pride, the weariness, the desperation, the heart, and the struggle. In one shot, Detective Idrissi has a young girl cradled in his arms as she cries. I happen to know it was because she lost her beloved dog and wanted to put a sign up at the police department. In the next, Chief Drever is running drills and demanding more from her newest officers, not to be a bitch but to keep them alive. A picture of Joe resting his head on his arms against the ambulance is there with his other coworkers slightly blurred in the forefront. One of his father from behind, wearing the weight of chief. Both squad rooms where the people are blurred, but the memorial walls are in clear focus.
Turning my head slightly, I see Cassidy’s eyes are watery. “You make magic behind a camera, Hols,” she whispers. Standing, she brushes her lips across my head. “Send me the mock-up. I’ll get the sign-offs.”
Basking in her praise, I export the file to my cloud drive. Sending it via email to my sister, I copy Ali knowing she’ll have to attach the rights and clearances paperwork so we can distribute the photos. Before I close the file, I look at it again.
My eyes linger on Joe. My heart hurts when I think of the fact he’ll have no one waiting for him tonight other than Grace. But maybe that will be enough, I tell myself firmly as I close the file.
After all, not all of us need someone to get us through the rough parts of life.
Some of us just need to be alive.
13
Holly
“Ithink Phil’s going to burst,” I mutter to Corinna as we’re preparing dinner in the communal kitchen at our family’s farm that night. While we all have our own homes, there’s a massive structure on our property with a huge great room, kitchen, and workout space that overlooks the lake. We use it frequently for family gatherings, especially now that our family has more than doubled in size in the last few years.
“He’s loving the fact he knows something Keene doesn’t,” Corinna whispers back. “Ali will stab him with her steak knife if he spills the beans though.”
“When is she planning on telling him? It’s killing me.”
“I honestly don’t know. It’s been two weeks since she told us.” Corinna turns a concerned face toward me. “You don’t think there’s anything wrong, do you? I mean, we weren’t there in the early part of her pregnancy with Kalie, Hols.”
Shit. I hadn’t thought of that. I bite my lower lip and look at Ali anxiously. She must feel our eyes on her because she glances our way. Her cobalt-blue eyes narrow in question. Then her face smooths out. She reaches for her phone at her side, and her thumbs begin moving.
Soon, my hip is buzzing. I drop the knife I was using on the cutting board and pull my phone from my pocket. Corinna reads over my shoulder.
Will the two of you relax? There’s nothing wrong. I swear to God, I have a plan on when I’m telling Keene.
I frantically type back.Is it any time before the baby’s born?
“You tell her, Hols,” Corinna mutters as she slides baked donuts into the oven for dessert. My mouth begins to water knowing she’ll dust them with two different types of sugar before serving them all warm and delicious.
Ali looks directly at me, raises an eyebrow, and begins typing again. I just wait for her to finish and the incoming text to reach me.
