Page 114 of Free to Live
“Then do it,” she challenged me.
“At first, I thought we were friends. It developed into so much more. I changed with a look, a touch. She ignited something inside of me I’d never felt before.”
“And now?”
“Now, if I can’t figure out how to get her to believe that it’s her that I love, I feel like my soul that’s going to extinguish.”
Alice stood and reached for my hand. “You’re a lucky man, Joe.”
I laughed bitterly. “Why? Because I’ve lost two women I’ve loved?”
“No, because you have such a beautiful heart that can hold such love. Unfortunately for you, it also holds a tremendous amount of guilt, but we’ll work through that.”
“It was my fault she was there,” I whispered.
“And what if she’d left to go get a celebratory bottle of champagne and was in a car wreck, Joe? Would it have been your fault for proposing?” Alice probed. At my startled jerk, she continued. “Life isn’t about what happened, but about how we react to it.”
What had I done since the night I proposed? I got angry, I was terrified, and I prayed. But what had I done to show Holly I was always going to be there for her other than send her a few cards and some pictures from Grace? How had I fought to show her she was special, knowing I had screwed up that night in such an enormous way?
“You’ve given me a lot to think about, Alice.”
“Good. Then I’ll see you soon, and we’ll talk about it then.”
* * *
I thoughtabout everything Holly wouldn’t be able to do without her hands in working order. I called Jason and asked what she was wearing around the house that was comfortable for her to get on and off with her hands. After he laughed in my ear asking if I was asking for practical or personal reasons—and I told him to kiss my ass—he said, “Mostly her sister’s clothes. Everything’s gone, Joe. We’ll take her shopping when she feels up to it.”
I volunteered to go instead. Taking my mother and daughter along with me, we made it our mission to max out my card. I found Holly the softest camis and lounging pants at Free People, her favorite store based on all the clothes I’ve peeled off her in the past. As soon as I touched the set that was called the “Yes, Yes, Yes” set, I immediately added it to the top of the pile. I asked for that to be gift wrapped with a special addition to it.
Then I arranged for Jason to meet with me to pick it all up during my next shift at the station.
Imagine my surprise when Phil walked in instead.
“Joe.” Phil holds out his hand. I blink at him before holding out mine in return. “Finally got your head together?”
Immediately, my back goes up. “What do you mean?”
His eyes narrow on my face. “I mean, I want to know if you’re going to make good on your promise to me about making my sister happy for the rest of her life. Holly needs to know she’s loved for who she is. If that’s not you, then we’ll catch her during the final fall.”
My chest expands before I let out the breath I was holding. “She is loved for exactly who she is.”
“And who’s that?” he challenges. “As a substitute for someone she’d wish back for you in a heartbeat if she could just to see you happy?”
“No, for being the person I’d die for right now, this very minute, if it meant that she’d live the rest of her life knowing she’s loved for exactly who she is,” I growl at him.
The antagonism drains from him. The fatigue of the last few weeks since the fire has taken its toll on him. None of us have escaped without suffering. “I know, Joe. I just had to be sure because when I bring whatever it is you’re about to give to me to her, I want her to know what motivated it.”
“She’ll have no question about that after she opens the last box, Phil,” I assure him. “She’ll never doubt I love her ever again. It’s her. Now. Forever.”
His eyes flash before he smiles. “Then where are these boxes I’m bringing home?”
“Did you drive or did you walk?” I ask.
“I drove. I’m heading back to the house right after this.”
“Bring your car around back. I’ll load them into yours.”
* * *
