Page 8 of Free to Believe
I don’t have an answer to that.
“Em, honey. Do you remember why you said ‘yes’?” Cassidy asks me.
I stay quiet. I have my reasons, but I can’t share them.
She reaches out her hand. I take a hold of it with all the strength I’d grab onto a rope being tossed to me if I was drowning. Because I think I am. “Did you ever want to say ‘no’?”
Yes.The thought whispers through my mind. I never wanted to get engaged, but I allowed myself to be talked into it. Pulling my hand from Cassidy’s, I tug at the ring on my other hand. Placing it on Ali’s desk, I admit, “All the time.”
A sharp collective breath is let out in the room. Phil moves into the cramped office to squat in front of me. “You should give him back the ring, Em. You’re not happy.”
I whisper aloud the one fear that I haven’t voiced aloud, the one thought I never admitted to anyone until just now. “What if this is the only shot I’ve got at anything close to what you all have?”
“I don’t believe that for one second,” Cassidy says fiercely.
“But how do you know?” I whisper.
“None of us do, Em. I just have to have faith there’s something glorious out there waiting. At least,” Holly adds, “that’s what I keep telling myself.”
“But you won’t find it if you’re hiding,” Corinna says firmly. “I should know.”
“Or if you’re running,” Ali adds.
“Or if you’re afraid,” Cassidy says.
“You just have to know we’re always here for you no matter what happens. And if you are meant to be single, so be it. But be single and be fabulously happy, not engaged and miserable,” Phil concludes.
I swallow hard. The diamond sitting on Ali’s desk mocks me as it stares back at me. I can’t keep it. I have to talk to Bryan and end this engagement. It’s a farce, a mockery in the face of what I know marriage should be.
Running a hand through my curls, I let out a shaky laugh. “Hell, I thought I was coming in here to celebrate selling the most expensive dress in our inventory and getting a trip to Paris out of it to boot. I didn’t think I was coming in to celebrate changing the course of my life at the same time.”
Standing, Phil reaches down for my hand to pull me to my feet. With my heels, we’re almost the same height. Hugging me hard, he announces, “You’re turning into Cassidy with your multitasking.”
I pull back in horror. “Bite your tongue.”
The room erupts in laughter, which Cassidy takes good-naturedly. “What am I supposed to do now?” Should I celebrate or end my engagement? Something of what I’m thinking must show on my face because Phil shakes his head before pulling me close.
“You can do anything you set your heart to, Em. I’m so damn proud of you.”
5
Emily
“Bryan,” I say firmly. “I need to actually talk with you. The benefit is hardly the proper place for it.”
“What happened? Did you not sell a dress? Poor baby,” he says snidely. “Some of us actually had real work to do today, so forgive me if I’m not sympathetic about your little job.”
I pull the phone away from my ear. Doing so, I realize I never put my ring back on earlier from Ali’s office. Wriggling, I shove my hand into the pocket of my dress and pull it out. Letting it fall out of my hand, it clatters onto the side table in my studio where I had been enjoying a glass of wine and sketching with Mugsy at my feet. He looks up at me and whines.
“Don’t tell me it’s got anything to do with that dog of yours, Emily, or I swear, I won’t be held accountable for what I’m about to say,” Bryan adds.
And just like that, the order of what’s right and true in my life clicks back into place. And there’s no room for him in it. This egotistical man with the overinflated opinion of himself isn’t worth the time it takes for our conversation, let alone the respect I’m trying to afford him by ending our engagement in person. I don’t know whatever it was in my mind that ever made me think Bryan’s twisted righteousness was worth settling for. But suddenly, my eyes are wide open. Even if I don’t believe in happily ever after, it’s an atrocity to a respected union. And trust me, I see marriages of those kind come through my door every day that have longevity.
Even if I was the last woman on Earth responsible for repopulating the planet, this man wouldn’t be enough for me.
“What would you say?” Hitting Speaker, I put the phone down and pick up the ancient leather sketchbook where I turn the page. I close my eyes before placing the charcoal to paper, beginning a new picture of Bryan. I imagine him sitting in his office with his tie undone, jacket off, his blond hair falling forward as he stands up slowly, trying to intimidate me even though I can’t see him.
“I’d have told you to put that mutt down long ago, Emily. You don’t need that albatross around your neck as you’re trying to run a business and plan our wedding.” His voice comes through clearly.
