Page 56 of Free to Believe
Lifting the lid to make certain I wasn’t about to scald my mouth, I take a careful sip. Recapping the drink around, I ask, “About?”
“Dani pointed out a few things to me. I haven’t been able to sleep all night thinking about them.” His voice is grim.
Fear clutches my chest. How much does Dani know? Through her relationship with Brendan, it’s entirely possible the two of them have been brought more firmly into our family circle and know our secrets. Covering up my reaction by taking a drink, I wordlessly gesture for him to continue.
“How long are you here for?”
That wasn’t what I was expecting at all. Cautiously, I respond, “Till the end of the summer. At the latest. I have responsibilities to get back to.” Including a trip to France and oh, that small matter of Fashion Week. God, the weight of the responsibilities bearing down on me curdles the sickeningly sweet caramel. I now want to throw up. Putting the cup to the side, I ask, “Why?”
“Because in another life, I’d be chasing after you with everything in my arsenal, Emily.”
“Em,” I correct him quietly. He shakes his head.
“I can’t, Emily. I have to keep you at a distance. Don’t you see? If I allow myself to be around you the way I want to, I’m going to do something stupid around you again.”
“Stupid?” I parrot. Suddenly my anger rises to the surface. “Well, isn’t that the finest of compliments I’ve ever received, Mr. Madison. I swear, I can’t recall when I’ve ever received one so well articulated.” Stomping into the living room, I find my purse tucked into the stool next to the counter. Grabbing out a ten, I storm back outside.
Jake’s eyeing me warily. Spotting the money, he says, “No way, lady. Coffee was on me this morning. I just want to talk so we know where we stand.”
“I think you’ve said quite enough. Obviously, you think I’m some sort of idiot. Let me get something through your egotistical skull.” I slap the money into his chest so hard, he has no choice but to grab it. It’s either that or bleed from the nail I’m digging in right behind it. “Idecide who I’m going to become involved with.Idecide who I let into my lifeandmy bed. Andyoucan go to hell if you’re too stupid to figure that out. You think I want to feel this—thing—happening?” I yell. God, sliding back into my own skin feels so damn good. “You are so wrong.”
“Tell me why.”
“Why what?”
“Why don’t you want to feel it?”
“Because,” I say stubbornly.
“Because why?” He’s such a damn pest. I give him a version of the truth.
“Because there’s nothing at the end of it. I’ve traveled down this road. It’s empty. If you’re lucky, you find respect. Other than that, there’s nothing but a few nights in bed.”
I’ve shocked him. “I never would have suspected you don’t believe in love.”
“You do?”
He shrugs. “I believe in a lot of things.”
I challenge him. “Like what?”
Turning his back to me without answering, he lifts his chin. “What do you believe in?”
Snorting derisively, I admit, “Not much, Jake. You should probably know that.”
“Tell me,” he demands.
I think for a few minutes. “I believe in truth. I believe in righting wrongs. I believe in paying back the blessings of the life I’ve been given. I believe in family.”
“You don’t believe in much.”
“It’s better than being let down. When you believe in too much, inevitably, you’re going to be.”
He crosses the boundary between us to brush a curl away from my face. “I wish…”
“What?” I muster all my strength from a heart that’s suddenly aching to glare at him.
He shakes his head. “Nothing. Never mind. I just wish we’d met at a time when we both weren’t so cynical, when we didn’t have so much riding on us. Maybe then…” Leaning forward, he presses a kiss on my forehead. “Thank you for befriending my daughter, Emily.” When he steps back, I don’t know why I feel this pang of loss.
