Page 108 of Free to Believe
My hand is cracking across his face before I can stop myself. I toss the bottle of champagne aside as I start to hit him. I vaguely hear the hiss of the bubbles as it spreads across the runway I was so triumphant on hours before. I don’t care as I unleash the pain and fury bubbling up in me like an overflowing teakettle. “Damn you, Jacob. Damn you!” I shriek. “You can’t come here and do this to me. I was going to be okay.”
Stopping my next hit simply by wrapping his arms around me, he pulls me to him. “No, lady, you weren’t. Neither am I. Not without you. You made a world where the only thing that makes sense is loving you.”
“You said I was a curse.”
“A curse, a blessing—what’s the difference when you’re so woven in my soul I can’t rip you out without damaging myself?” His head tips up, and the pain he’s suffered right along with me is etched there. I’m completely unable to hold back the hurt I feel from him being in pain. Just as I was unable to resist Jenna’s when I saw her pain over Lynne for the first time.
I collapse onto him.
“I want to believe you,” I sob as he strokes my back. “I just can’t right now.”
“It’s going to take time to regain your trust, Em. Please give me that time to try,” he whispers hoarsely against my ear.
Looking up into his handsome face, I touch his lips. I pull away as I stand. I start to walk away.
“Please, Em,” he begs. Tears track down his face.
I’ve never felt pain like this before because I never loved like this. With my back to him, I’m standing on the precipice of two destinies. The first is a fortress of my own making where I refuse to live, to feel out of fear. The other is jumping into the ocean where I may drown in my own tears.
“I told you I cried an ocean of tears for you,” I whisper.
“Yes.” His voice cracks on that single word.
“I am sick of crying.” My voice holds the exhaustion I’ve been living with.
“Tell me if you want me to try to fix it or if you want me go.” The words sound guttural as they are torn from him, but in that instant, I know he’ll do whatever I ask to give me back what I need.
Isn’t that its own measure of love? Being able to walk away?
“The thing is, if there’s enough sun, water evaporates back into the sky, Jacob.” Turning, I roll my lips together to prevent them from trembling. We stare at each, each afraid of making the next move, when I blurt out, “I want to feel the sun.”
“I’ll find it every day.”
“I’m tired of my nightmares.”
“I’ll hold them at bay however you let me.”
“I want to believe I’m worthy of love.” Now my tears begin to fall.
Untucking one knee, he pushes up. Rising to his feet, he stands before me. “You always were. The truth is, you’re the reason I believe in love at all.”
“Then where do we go from here?” I whisper, unable to cross the line between us.
Unable to take that first step.
Jake steps toward me. When he sees I’m not backing away, he comes closer until he stands directly in front of me. Touching my cheek gently, he murmurs, “Hi, my name is Jake Madison. You put on a hell of a show tonight. Would you like to get a bite to eat and tell me about it?”
My lips tremble as I look at him.It’s now or never, Em.
Or forever.
“I…I think I’d like that.”
His arms seize me against him, and when my head is tucked against his neck, I can feel the pounding of his heart. Against my cheek, I feel the damp wetness of his tears.
“There’s so much to say, Em.”
“And we’ll say it,” I whisper. “But tonight, do you think we can just go out back, eat some food, and begin tomorrow?”
