Page 84 of Free to Believe
Unlocking the door, I grab the handset from the counter. Dialing one of the numbers I don’t need to look up, I slide down against the wall and curl up as tight as I can.
“Amaryllis Events, this is Cassidy speaking. How may I help you?” Cassidy’s voice comes through the line confident and happy.
Knowing I’m one step closer to home, I start to sob.
“Em? Em? What’s wrong? Why are you crying? What happened? Phil, get in here, damnit!” Cassidy begins screaming in my ear.
“I need to come home. I have to come home. I can’t get home.” I begin to babble incoherently.
“We’ll send Caleb’s jet.” Cassidy’s voice is frightened and angry all at once.
“Can you tell us what happened, baby?” Phil must have hit Speaker.
They want me to talk, when all I want to do is fall into a cocoon of silence and never come out. It doesn’t hurt so much when I’m locked away. But this is Phil and Cass, the ones who saved me the first time. I have to tell them what happened. “Went to sign papers…get Mugsy’s ashes…Jenna…car crushed.” I begin sobbing in earnest. “My fault. I love them.”
“This is not your fault, Em.” Cassidy’s voice is cracking.
“Let’s get our girl home first, Cass,” Phil chides her gently.
“I’ll have Caleb send the jet,” she announces.
“Can’t,” I whisper. “I think I have a concussion.”
“You think?” two voices say simultaneously. “Why the hell didn’t you get checked out at the hospital? What did the EMTs say?” Phil demands.
This one sentence is going to let in all the pain again. I can’t fortify my walls fast enough before I say it. I prepare to bleed. After all, don’t I deserve it for daring to love? “The EMTs suspect a concussion. I…I didn’t get checked out. I was waiting… Jenna was driving the Rover. Jake told me to go. He blames me.” The sobs that rack my body hurt—God, do they hurt my head, my heart, and my soul. “I begged him on my knees to listen to me, but he refused.”
I’m crying so hard, I miss out on the frantic yelling and scrambling on the other end of the phone. The next thing I’m cognizant of is Cassidy whispering in my ear, “Shhhh, Em. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here on the phone with you.”
Gasping, I whisper, “Promise?”
“I promise. Listen to me. Caleb, Keene, Jason, Phil, and Holly are on their way to you right now. They’ll be there in four hours. I’m not hanging up until they get there, baby.”
“Appointments?” I manage to get out.
“Fuck the business, Em! You’re hurting. You are far more important than any client that walks in this door,” Cassidy snaps.
My head is throbbing. I curl up on the floor of the kitchen in a ball.
“I love you, Em. I loved you from the moment you nodded for me to come home with you. I’ll love you forever.”
I swish my head back and forth. In my mind, I’ve twisted the deal I made. She can’t say she loves me. Now, no one can. I can’t have her die too. “Noo…” I moan.
“Yes, my Em. Yes, I do. I always will.” There’s a long silence where I just listen to her breathe.
“Cassy…” I use her dreaded nickname. One used only in the direst of situations.
“Yes, sweetheart.”
“Don’t leave me alone. Hurt so much.”
And my older sister begins to talk about everything and nothing for the next four hours. Until there’s a pounding at my door and she finally whispers in her shredded voice, “They’re there. It’s time to come home.”
51
Jake
It’s the third day after the accident. Both Michelle and I have been taking shifts by Jenna’s bedside. Although I should be surprised she came when I called her, I guess I’m not. For all her faults, she is Jenna’s mother.
