Page 19 of Free to Believe
Now, less than forty-eight hours later, I’m strung so tight someone could probably use me to play a song. But yesterday I realized I can’t be here right now. I have to get find some peace in order to find my creative spark before I’m mired under the weight of my emotions.
“How are you getting everything you need to the island anyway? You’re not driving alone, are you?” Holly frets.
I shake my head. “Caleb offered his company jet to fly me there. The guys asked around their office. One of their analysts is actually planning on heading to Cape Cod next week on vacation. I offered to pay him to drive my stuff up and then transport it over on the ferry. Caleb is being his usual awesome self and giving him an extra few days of comp time to help me out.”
“That’s cool. What about transportation when you’re first on the island? It’s larger than you think.”
“Dani said she’d have her place stocked with groceries and food for Mugsy. I sent her a list. It’s not like I cook anyway.”
“You at least do that better than you sing.”
I throw a pillow at her, but I can’t contradict her. I know I have a terrible voice. At least I can throw a salad together. No one—and I do mean no one—wants to hear me carry a tune.
“Seriously, though, what about day-to-day things? What about internet? What about coffee?” She jumps to her knees. “Em, what are you going to do if you can’t get coffee?”
“There are bikes, Hols. You know, with baskets and whatnot? It’s only eight miles to the center of town,” I say absentmindedly.
“I’m sorry, did you turn into Ali overnight? Eight miles? Are you crazy? That’ssixteen milesto get a cup of coffee until you get your car. Are you sure you can’t load your car on the plane?”
“Maybe they have Uber?” I say weakly.
“Or maybe you should bite the bullet and bring a Keurig with you,” she retorts.
Corinna strolls in with Ali and Cassidy right behind her. “Relax, both of you. Em, after you talked to her, Dani forgot a few things and tried to call you. Since she couldn’t reach you, she pinged me. I have a rundown about life on Nantucket. They have Uber. They have cabs. And after I laughed over the idea of Em cooking, she said she’ll make sure there’s a Keurig at the apartment. Em will survive.”
Corinna continues. “Dani also said to tell you there’s a heated pool on the property and not to forget a swimsuit. You might not want to dive into the Atlantic without a wetsuit, but the pool should be perfect to swim in.”
“Bathing suit, check.” I head back into my regular closet and grab a few bikinis, cover-ups, and flip-flops. I drop the new items on the bed and fall facedown on top of them. “Ugh. I feel like I’m going away forever, when I’m really just going for a few months.”
Cassidy rubs my back. “It’s not like we’re not just a call away whenever you need us, Em.”
I blow a curl out of my face so I can see her more fully. “Why don’t each of you come with me? For a week at a time?”
Ali laughs from my easy chair in the corner. “Maybe later in the summer, one or two of us can make it up. I’m sure you’ll settle in just fine.”
“I’m not.” Right now, I trust the members of my family. That’s it. Everyone else I have good reason to be wary of. Though we’ve become friends through the work we do together for her red-carpet events, even Dani and her generosity are leaving me out of sorts.
“Don’t let what Bryan did close you off to the world, Em,” Corinna says softly. “Those mistakes are his for being an asshole, not yours for wanting something more.”
I laugh, but it comes out a bitter, wretched sound. “I have little belief at this point that I can find love without destroying it.”
“You haven’t looked around the room,” Cassidy says firmly. “We all love you, and we’re not going anywhere. And if Phil were here, he’d say the same thing.”
I open my mouth and then close it, unable to tell them the real reason why I can love them safely. That reason is written on the back of a drawing hidden away in a safe in my closet. The vow I took if God would just stop stealing the people I love away from me. I knew then the love—the sheer overwhelming love my adopted brother and sisters have given to me—is something I knew I could never live without. They are the ones who get to see the real me—the woman who spits her drink when she laughs too hard, can’t sing worth a damn so does it at the top of her lungs, and thinks the best color is the rainbow. They’re the ones who know I’d rather capture a lifelong memory in a drawing than a picture. They know my biggest regrets, my smallest fears, and they love me anyway.
But they don’t know I bargained my future happiness for it.
So, I settle for the truth.
“I’m going to be so lost without you all.”
Suddenly, my body is smooshed into the bed as each one of my sisters climbs on top of me in some way. We look like a pack of football players in a huddle after a loose ball. “Love you, Em.” Cassidy tugs one of my curls.
“Love you both,” Ali murmurs from where she’s lying across us.
“Love you all,” Corinna calls out cheerfully. She’s diagonal over Ali, but her boobs might be smothering Cassidy.
“Love you always,” Holly calls from her perch on top.
