Page 114 of Free to Believe
I’m not sure I’m ready for that just yet. But maybe in the future.
Jake and I have talked every night. I can’t determine which of us is more excited for his trip to Collyer. In the meantime, Nantucket has been abuzz with news. Jenna’s college acceptance letters are coming back in, and she got into her number one choice—UCONN.
In an amazing turn of events, she’s decided against RISD. After spending time talking with Ali, Corinna, and Holly, she realized the larger school with a broader selection of studies would be a better fit. Turns out, Jenna has a huge head for marketing. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of ideas she bounced off me during her time with me over Fashion Week, ideas I’d never even thought of to market the business. She plans on minoring in studio design to keep her interest in art alive. Interning with me over the summer and during long breaks will incorporate her love of fashion with a much more practical future. Jake privately couldn’t be more thrilled, though he told me he would have supported any decision she ultimately would have made.
After I got home from Toronto—and my impromptu trip to Nantucket—I shocked the hell out of Jenna when I pounded on the door. She grinned and pointed down to the music room. When I walked in, Jake jumped up from the piano and wrapped me tightly in his arms. He didn’t let me up for air for quite some time.
Later that night while we were curled in front of the fire, Jake told me he knew his cruelty set us back emotionally to the beginning. He was willing to wait as long as it took for me. I was floored by his declaration.
“I betrayed your trust in me as surely as if I’d cheated on you,” he admitted quietly, holding me tightly in his arms.
I thought about his words before carefully responding. “Yes and no. It’s hard to express. My love didn’t disappear, which it would have if you had cheated on me. It was just harder to open myself up again.”
“Rightly so, Em.” He hugged me to him for a few moments. “I’m just glad you gave me that second chance.”
“My heart wouldn’t let me do any differently,” I whispered.
As much as I know Jake’s it for me, I haven’t been ready for this final step until now. Jake understood. He gave me the space to be as much of a part of their lives as I could handle between my new success and the emotional challenges I was learning to overcome. We’ve built our new relationship based on friendship instead of the burning heat over the summer. It’s a solid foundation that’s just going to get better over time.
I know we have so much to look forward to. We’ll have a chance to watch the bogs be filled with water to float the cranberries to the surface for harvesting. We’ll drink more beer at Cisco Brewery. We’ll celebrate Jenna’s birthday at Cru again. And we’ll make even more memories in Connecticut.
Jake has a contract to teach at Nantucket High until the end of the school year, but he and Jenna have the next few weeks off for winter break. Until I knew where my heart was, where his was, I wasn’t ready for him to invade my last sanctuary—the farm. I’m ready now.
So, here I am waiting for them to arrive. The lights are twinkling outside the stained-glass window in my studio in the mansion. Caleb—having come over to Team Jake and knowing how important of a step this is for me—offered to fly Jake and Jenna on the Hudson corporate jet into Teterboro where they’ll be brought directly to Amaryllis Events.
Standing in front of the illuminated glass, the fireplace crackles behind me, sending off a warmth that removes the chill inside the large room. There’s coffee, cocoa, some of Corinna’s homemade caramel, and an assortment of cookies waiting. Really, the only thing it’s missing is Mugsy. I feel a pang deep in my heart knowing that while he’ll always be with me, I’ll never feel his silky head butt up against me again in these precious moments.
The door slides open behind me on well-oiled wheels. Turning, I see Cassidy stroll in. “Are you anxious because you want them here, or are you anxious because they’re coming?”
With a twist of my lips, I reply, “Can’t it be a little of both?”
Her long hair falls down her back as she throws back her head. “Of course. Caleb just called. ETA five minutes.”
Five minutes. Pressing my hand to my stomach, I look around. I wanted Jake to be brought to the mansion first, the same way Jenna was. I want him to finally be able to visualize my space the way I can see his when we’re talking on the phone. I need for him to understand Collyer from the inside out so maybe when we’re at a point where it’s time for decisions to be made, I won’t be looking at the hardest decision of my life.
Because for him, I already know I would leave.
I’ve learned life is best lived where the clouds touch both the sun and the sky, in that simple place where tears are shed from both joy and sorrow. Because what I said to Jake a few months ago is true. I have cried an ocean over him. And I’m sure I will cry more tears in this lifetime over the love I’ve once again found faith in. Because love isn’t as simple as the words happily ever after. It’s fabric that, yes, may be torn, but it can be fixed. But only by those careful enough with the tears who handle it delicately and don’t rush the repairs.
I have that patience. And I found a man willing to give love that care.
“Any idea of how much hell the family is planning on doling out to him?” I murmur to my older sister as she sidles up next to me.
Jake hadn’t just spent time repairing his relationship with me. Much to my surprise, he quietly contacted Ali to act as an intermediary to distribute letters he’d written to each of my family members and Charlie for his breach of trust. While none of them would tell me what they said, the words went a long way toward closing still-open wounds.
“Let’s just say, I overheard Phil talking about taking him out for a run,” Cassidy says drolly.
I choke. “Now, if you said Ali, I might find that more of a threat.”
We both laugh as we lean against opposite sides of the window.
“You make me proud to be a Freeman, Emily,” Cassidy murmurs.
My mind blanks. “Excuse me?”
“All the things we overcame, all the love we shared, that’s the one thing I don’t know if I ever told you. My heart relied upon yours to keep going in those early days.” Cassidy’s voice shakes as she blindly reaches for my hand. “If it wasn’t for you and for Dee, believing that two brutalized children deserved love, none of this would exist.”
“Cass…”
