Page 101 of Free to Believe
“Did Em know?” Colby asks, bringing us back to the here and now.
“No. It’s another thing I never got the chance to tell her.” I wait for the debasement to start again, but he surprises me.
“When Corinna and I first started dating, she told me holding things back was more dangerous than finding them out later. If you get a chance to fix things, don’t hold back.”
I blink at him. “Thanks for the advice.”
“No prob—” The doors open behind us. Keene and Caleb take the seats they were in before. I’m shocked when Phillip Freeman sits down next to me.
My heart is pounding out of my chest. This is it. Phillip turns to be before he begins talking.
“Have you ever read the legend of the amaryllis, Jacob?”
“No.”
His mouth quirks into a sad smile. “You should. When I studied it in school, I found it to be both a beautiful and tragic story. Much like the lives of me and my sisters. The amaryllis is a symbol of pride, determination, and beauty. I’ve tried to make certain each of my sisters knows they are allowed to feel all of those things after the lives we’ve had.”
I nod. “Emily’s tattoo.”
Phillip reaches for the button on his shirt. Rolling it back, he shows me his wrist. “All of our tattoos. Each of us bear the mark somewhere.” He carefully flicks down his shirtsleeve while I come to my own conclusion.
And the blood flows from my heart as red as the ink on his wrist.
“You’re not going to let me see her, are you?” My voice breaks, and I frankly couldn’t care less.
He shakes his head. “It wasn’t the decision of the men in this room. Nor was it just my decision. I called my sisters. They believe down to their souls, Jacob, that she needs this moment where she stands on her own two feet for the first time since everything happened.”
Even as the burn hits the back of my eyes. “Will…I have no right. But will you please do two things for me?”
“What?” Phillip and I are talking as if there isn’t anyone else in the room.
“Make sure she understands this isn’t her fault. It’s mine. I…” My voice begins to break.
He nods. “And the second?”
“Please understand, I’ll respect your wishes for tomorrow, but I’m not going to give up unless she’s the one who tells me to go away.”
Fire burns in Phillip’s eyes. “We’ll see how long that takes.”
62
Emily
It’s four fifteen in the morning. I never went to sleep last night. I can’t even find solitude in my dreams anymore. They’re filled with ghosts. Night after night, new nightmares have taken residence in my mind. My mother and Aunt Dee are walking down the runway with tears on their faces as all the bastards of my past sit in the front row jeering at them. It isn’t until I step out onto the runway that they stop. Then Jake comes up onto the catwalk and viciously attacks my work in front of everyone in the room. They’re all still laughing as I run off the runway.
It doesn’t take years of therapy to realize I’m afraid of this last piece of my life being ruined the way everything else in my life has been by that indolent bitch, love.
I lean my head against the cold glass in the living room of Keene and Ali’s penthouse. There’s no peace to be found anywhere anymore. Not in sleep, not in my designs, not in silence. I’d rather the room be filled with noise so I don’t have to think. It takes so little effort to murmur a word here or there in the middle of a big gathering and paste a false smile on my face than to be left alone with the ache in my chest.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Keene comes out of his and Ali’s room.
I shake my head against the glass.
“Excitement or nerves?”
I shrug. Let him think what he wants. It will be over soon enough.
Keene says something and I just stand there. He reaches out to clasp my arm. I react violently. “Don’t. Please don’t touch me.” If no one touches me, no one can hurt me.
