Page 114 of Free to Breathe
* * *
Instead of reachingfor my journal right away, I give myself some time. It’s getting harder and harder in between Corinna’s words. I don’t know if this is what she wants me to do. I just know it’s what I need. Other than random comments here and there, I’m so disjointed from the rest of the occupants of the room. The person I need to talk with is fighting through the dark for her life, my life, our love.
And her words are the only thing keeping my sanity anywhere in this stratosphere.
I manage to hold back until the patient advocate comes in and says the words we’ve been waiting for.
The tumor has been isolated and is in the process of being removed.
The minute she leaves, my knees collapse and I flop into the chair. My feet bump the bag under the table, and suddenly, I need her voice in my head holding up her end of our ongoing conversation.
I reach for the journal and the last place I left off.
My Colby,
You should know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love you.
The woman I was before is eclipsed by the one I am now because of your love. Maybe I needed to go on without you to know I could survive, but I’d never be alive without the gift of you now that you’re indelibly buried in my heart. Where I can’t picture a day without you in my mind? Perhaps.
Now, I can appreciate the honor you wear isn’t just a word but part of your soul. Much like the tumor that sits in my head. And with that honor comes truth, loyalty, and love.
I know you love me too. And because of that, I will fight the darkness to come back to you.
Know that.
Believe in that.
Because it’s your name that will bring me back from the abyss. Your lips that will give me air I need to breathe. Your love that will keep my heart beating.
Love,
Corinna
Without reading any further, I take my newest card and place it in the journal. Whether or not she meant for me to move on, I don’t know.
I’ll never know.
60
Thankful
“It’s labeled for pathology?”
“Yes, Dr. Moser.”
“I want a rush on it. I don’t want to wait longer than absolutely necessary for the results.”
“They’re waiting on the mass, sir. We’ll get it right to them.”
“Do you want me to begin to close the flap?”
“Not quite yet. We have to perform the motor tests.”
* * *
It’s almost2:45 and we haven’t heard anything new. My phone hasn’t buzzed. I’m going to tear the hospital down until I find her OR suite soon.
Everyone has taken a quick break outside the room. Cass, Caleb, Keene, and Ali stepped outside to FaceTime their children, who Ava agreed to pick up and keep at the main farmhouse until at least one of them could get home later. Matt would be going over to help her.
