Page 109 of Free to Breathe
“She has a fucking sixth sense about gossip. I swear, it’s uncanny.” Ali’s voice is filled with mirth.
I look down.8:50 AM. Purple bag. Ziploc 2. Then you have something to read and listen to. Love, Corinna
I grab the purple bag from under the table. Rooting around in it, I find the bag with a big 2 marked on it. “Corinna mail!” I call to the room at large.
“Let’s wait and open them up together,” Phil suggests.
“I love that idea,” Em agrees.
When everyone has their envelopes, we all tear into them and find sloth cards. Cassidy points at Phil and says, “She must have been thinking of you, brother.”
Phil sticks his tongue out at Cassidy. “Very funny.” He flips open his card and bursts out laughing. “Oh my God.” Pulling out a sloth on a stick with Corinna’s face superimposed on it, he dances it around.
“Did y’all really think today was going to move any faster than normal? It’s me after all. Love, Corinna,” Holly reads aloud.
Everyone bursts into hysterical laughter.
“Priceless,” Em declares. She’s bouncing her Corinna-on-a-stick around and cracking up.
Ali’s using hers to fling an envelope spitball at Keene. “Hey, it’s not pie, but it works,” she says cheekily.
“Knock it off, Alison.” Keene shakes his head, but the wide grin on his face belies his reprimand as he uses his Corinna to bat away the spitball.
Before these cards, our energy was like that of sloths themselves. Short of hanging upside down, the mood in the room was low, so low. Bryan told us these would be the toughest hours with little to no information from the operating room. Seeing the energy filling the room, I take a minute to reach for Corinna’s words.
The minute I touch the journal, I feel peace within the newly launched chaos. I untie the string and find where I last left off.
Hello, my love.
I’m okay. I know they’re taking good care of me. I’m worried about you though.
I’m sorry. I just don’t know if I should be apologizing for not being strong enough to hold off on falling in love with you or not admitting it sooner.
Is she crazy? I’d have been infuriated to know all of this after and not have been there to support her. Clenching my jaw, I keep reading.
If I’m honest with myself (and I’d like to think I have been lately), I’ve been falling since you first came back home. Much like the sloths, I had to camouflage myself, only I was doing it with my anger. I fed myself off the bitterness of the past. The injustice I felt. It’s easier to keep doing the same thing day after day than to look beyond yourself and change.
From the moment you were hired at Hudson, I should have known you weren’t what I thought you were. We should have had it out then, but I was afraid. Buried beneath all of my harsh words was a woman who was hurting from the past who had no idea how to open her mouth and scream out her sense of betrayal.
You tried to hold on. Those letters—when I read them, my heart died…and then it was reborn, Colby.
Did I have a chance? Was it too late? How is it you don’t hate me?
I still don’t completely understand why you held on. Looking at this from a distance, I can’t discern what makes me so special in your eyes. From mine, I’m a hot mess. But I guess I’m your mess, just as you’ll always be mine.
Through thick and thin.
I swore I was living my life, but now I know I was just merely existing until I opened my heart to loving you.
I’m so sorry, Colby. Just like the sloths, I moved slowly to eradicate the walls between us. So much time lost because of my fears.
I hate that time’s moving so slowly, isn’t it?
Soon, my love, you’ll hear the news you’re waiting for. Then time can stop for both of us.
Love,
Corinna
