Page 50 of Free to Run
“I’m not!” My protest warbles as I talk around the moist cake.
“I’m not arguing with you,” she says calmly.
Grabbing my coffee off the counter, I take a sip and slam it down. “You didn’t agree either. You think I’m falling for him. For all that is holy, why would you think that?” I ask accusingly.
Corinna calmly places her fork along the side of her plate. She takes a sip of her coffee and wipes her mouth before she speaks.
“He’s been in your thoughts since that first night, and you haven’t been able to let him go. You compare every man you’ve slept with to him. And they all fail.”
I start to protest, but she holds up a perfectly manicured hand, something I still don’t know how she pulls off while baking all day, when I can’t keep a manicure to save my soul.
“Ali, for women like us”—she points her dark pink fingertip between the two of us—“men are a game until they’re not. This is tearing you apart inside for one reason. You care.” She shakes her head. “You stopped playing about two years ago when Keene entered your life and blew out of it just as fast. You don’t remember how destroyed you were after your wedding hookup, but I do. It was the same way you’re acting now.” She pauses. “Before you were wounded. This time, you’re afraid to give him a chance because of what could happen.”
My back snaps straight. “I’m not afraid.” I’d told myself long ago to never give a man the power to make me afraid ever again.
“Ali, you’re so petrified of letting your heart break, you’ve enclosed it in a tomb, sealed it with a lock, and put it inside a castle on top of a mountain. You won’t even give a man a fair chance,” Corinna tells me bluntly.
I recoil in shock.
“What your father did to you, what my family did to me, and what Hols’ did to her can’t be the measure of how we judge men. Otherwise, they win. After all these years, is that what you want? For those bastards to be sitting in a jail cell knowing they still won, even after all they’ve done?”
“You’ve been thinking about this a lot,” I mutter, shoving my cake away.
Corinna nods. “More and more lately. Yes, we’re all damaged by what happened to us, but I think you still hang on to that pain.”
“What?” I choke out.
“It wasn’t my body on display on that auction block, Ali. It wasn’t Holly’s. We’ve been able to let go of things from our past easier. It wasn’t our fathers in that room when it all went down. Trust isn’t the mountain I have to conquer if I want to accept love.”
Her words strike too close to home. “Are you saying I shouldn’t be freaked-out, Cori? With Mr. Hot and Cold? What possible inkling do I have that Keene might care enough about me to treat me with anything close to respect when every other word out of his mouth is tantamount to the opposite?”
Her exasperation comes out on a long, slow sigh. “Have you considered that like our families, his was decimated too? That maybe he’s as unsure of things as you are? Maybe he’s just as clueless as you? I swear, you two are a certain kind of special.”
I wince. With Corinna’s new perspective, I realize I haven’t. I haven’t looked at any of this from Keene’s point of view. I’ve been filled with so much pain.
I let out a rough sigh.
“Hey, I didn’t say this to make you feel worse, Ali. I said this to make you understand that there are two sides to every story, and we know all truth and lies fall somewhere in between. Unless it’s the crap our families did to us, then they’re completely wrong, and we reserve the right for vengeance.”
My mouth quirks in a smile, but my mind is still locked on what Corinna is saying. How much am I fulfilling my father’s prophecy about me, sabotaging my own happiness because I refuse to look beyond myself? “What do I do, Cori?” I whisper. “How do I fix this?”
“Blehhhh.” Corinna sounds like a braying sheep. “Wrong answer. This is not solely on you, Ali.”
Color me confused. Didn’t Corinna just spend the last hour trying to make me look at things from Keene’s point of view?
“That man has a temper a good ol’ exorcism needs to get out of him. Keene needs to do some begging to get back into your good graces, and not while he’s anywhere near your—” Her finger makes a circle near my vagina.
I burst out laughing.
“His mouth sounds awfully good, but his lips need to work well when they’re not looking for some sugar.”
I topple off my stool from laughing so hard. Only Corinna.
“It can’t be anything after dark. I’ve already decided he’s a vampire when the sun goes down. That’s when his inner prick emerges,” I manage to get out.
Corinna gapes at me for one second, two, and then shoves her cake plate forward as she face-plants onto my kitchen counter, laughing. “Only you, Ali.” She leans down to give me a high five.
I grin as our hands connect, but it slowly fades as I slide to rest my back against the kitchen cabinets. “I’m constantly fighting to be me when I’m with him, Cori. Like being me just isn’t good enough.”
