Page 103 of Free to Run
Alison
Thank God the offices of Watson, Rubenstein, and Dalton have their own reserved parking, or I would abhor having to drive in downtown Charleston every day. Parking in the city is a complete nightmare. Even as the height of the tourist season wanes, people still flock to the beauty of this antebellum city. One of the reasons is the absolutely delicious food, which I’ve taken more than a little advantage of. I’m grateful I’m still able to handle my morning runs while pregnant, or I’d likely have gained more weight than my doctor told me to expect.
Though at my last OB/GYN appointment, I did have to have a talk with my doctor about mileage. I signed up for the Race 13.1, the Halloween-themed half marathon that’s on a hard-packed dirt course. I love the idea of dressing a little wild for fun, helping out a children’s charity and getting to run at the same time. My OB/GYN, also a runner, suggested I try the run/walk/run method to give myself a break. Despite my initial sneer, which she had a good laugh at, she explained that if I tried it, I would have more endurance. Despite my disbelief, I gave it a try. Damned if it didn’t work. And now, we have more energy for the runs.
Right now, the only thing maintaining my sanity is running.
I organized the Charleston office in about a week. I think the daily challenges of working for Amaryllis Events overprepared me for this job. When I called Jared to let him know I was done, he laughed and said, “Set them up for when you’re gone.”
Good. Jared wasn’t planning on having me permanently stay in Charleston. Despite everything, there are still a few too many ghosts in this town for my liking.
I knew leaving was the right thing for me to do. With my wildly raging pregnancy hormones, there was no way for me to have listened to anything that Keene said with any sort of calmness. I’d have gutted him with one of Corinna’s knives that afternoon, and we’d have been planning a funeral instead of giving him an opportunity at life. There was no way I could have trusted him or anything that came out of his mouth. And at that point, there was no way I could have told him or anyone else about the baby. I’d have been in the same situation, but miserable every second. With the distance of almost two months, I know I did it in the wrong way.
I left myself no way home.
And then there’s Keene.
One night last week, I called Jared to find out about how the family was doing, and Jared broached the subject of Keene. For the first time, I was ready to listen. After I heard the story, I was paralyzed in my chair at the office. I remember vaguely whispering, “I’m such a fool. He’ll never forgive me, Jared,” before disconnecting the call.
And then I wrapped my arms around our child and cried.
Jared hasn’t brought up the topic since, and neither have I. Instead, I’ve only allowed myself time to think about Keene on my runs, the times when I have no distractions. I want all the happiness in the world for him. I want him to have a woman who’s strong enough to stand up under the pressure and stick with him. I want the beauty of love and a lifetime of happiness for him.
I want him to have what I couldn’t give him, but he still deserves to know about our child.
God, what a mess I’ve made.
In the early Charleston air, I’m coming up on mile eight of my run and look down at my pacing watch. Nine-and-a-half-minute-mile average? Not bad at all. In this humidity, and with my little apple growing into an avocado, I’m not trying to set a personal record. I just want to finish safely. Tomorrow is a rest day before my twelve-mile run over the weekend. With the race next weekend, I’m more than ready to relax and let the little one enjoy the cooler weather. Wherever Jared sends me next.
Reaching for my water during the cooldown portion of my run, I rub my hand along the little bump just beginning to show. “One more week until race day, my little angel. Let’s head on home.”
* * *
The first callrings my cell phone around 1:00 PM. I'm staring out my office window when the sound jerks me from my woolgathering. Since only one person has this number, I ask, "Jared? What's wrong?"
"Ali. I need you to take a deep breath and tell me you're sitting down."
Oh, God. Something happened to Cassidy and the babies. I don't realize I say it aloud until he responds. "No, it's nothing like that. I swear but..." He hesitates.
"Just say it." I snap. I'm hormonal about to cry at any second.
"There was an attack on a diplomatic escort a few days ago in London."
"I heard about it." I'm perplexed. Why is he so concerned to tell me?
"When we were talking at the family dinner last night, Caleb mentioned he knew some of the soldiers who were wounded." A strange knot forms in my chest. It's not the baby kicking. "Ali, I only met him the one time but..."
"Colby," I whisper. "They sent him back out into the field."
"Yes," Jared says grimly. "I don't have the details, but he's been transported back from overseas. He's been listed as serious; downgraded from critical."
My head rests back against the high back chair. "How are Corinna and Holly handling this?" My voice is husky even to my own ears.
"Not well. Holly was in tears. And Corinna? She stormed from the room saying the only person who had the right to kill him was her. She was noticeably upset as well."
"I just bet she was."
Jared hesitates. "Once he gets settled here stateside, we can arrange for a routed call through the office if you want to talk with him."
