Page 31 of Free to Run
Whoa, what? My shock must speak for itself without words because Caleb continues.
“Other than with me, and occasionally with Ry, you’d forgotten how to be a member of a family, Keene. Even adding Cassidy to the picture, for the most part, you’ve still forgotten.”
I feel like Caleb just punched me in the chest. I’m hardly breathing. I tip my head to the side as I wait for him to continue. It doesn’t take long.
“Your father is a complete asshole. Your mother was murdered, and you’ve never dealt with that. Your sister was kidnapped and brutally assaulted for years before she escaped with the help of a stranger. For twenty-five years, she was presumed dead. She built a life with people who are closer to her than blood.”
Even though hearing this recount causes my blood to simmer, I reply calmly. “And I have nothing.”
“And right there is the problem. What you have is me. Your brother growing up. Your brother-in-arms. And your brother now through marriage. And you still refuse to lean on your family.”
His answer rocks me to my core. My mouth falls open slightly, and I take a step back. My mind scrambles with this newest piece of intel tossed in, altering the picture of my reality.
I thought when my mother died all those years ago and I’d been left to be reared by nannies, I had no one. My father wandered the world with his latest conquest. I shut down, feeding off the only thing I could to keep myself putting one foot in front of the other each day.
Control.
But I’d forgotten I had one other thing. A brother.
I hang my head in shame.
Caleb has been by my side through all of my fucked-up shit. Never letting go, even when I pushed him away. Hell, even when I tried to shove him away. In the darkest of hours, when my mask slipped and despair had me by the balls, he never let me fall. Taking a bullet in the thigh for that kind of friendship was a small price to pay to keep the one good thing in my life alive. And without question, I’d do it again.
“It’s not easy,” I murmur.
He steps closer, clasping my shoulder. “What isn’t?”
“Leaning on…people. Trusting them. Learning how to live after so many years of darkness. It’s not easy. It’s easier to keep the shield up,” I admit.
“I’m not saying to let the world in, Keene. Just try trusting a few more people. Give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s not always wrong if you can’t figure it out right away.”
That’s something he’s been saying for years, and easy for him to say, I think nastily. Then again, my mind reconciles that it isn’t.
Caleb’s life was a lot like mine. Cold, embittered. He lost his father and had one of the worst human beings for a mother. Until he fell in love with my sister, he was content to remain fairly distant—except from his brother. Brothers, I amend in my head. And I let the small warmth of that feeling spread through me.
“What are you thinking?” I know Caleb’s curious, not malicious. Which is why I give him the real answer.
“Like I’ll be overexposed if I do. Like I’ll lose control. Like I’ll hurt someone.”
“Like Ali.”
“Like Alison,” I confirm.
“You’re not going to hurt someone who’s already touched your heart,” Caleb says confidently.
“I don’t think I have one anymore,” I admit.
“A heart?” he asks incredulously.
I hesitate before nodding.
His response is to laugh. Uproariously.
I don’t respond. I don’t even flinch.
“If you didn’t have a heart, you would never have searched for Cassidy for so damned long. You wouldn’t have been worried about her mental health when you began to suspect she was your sister. You never would have danced at our wedding with her. You would have made sure she was alive and slipped silently from her life.” He pauses. “Your problem is that you care too much, and you’re afraid to because of obstacles you may not be able to protect them from.” Shooting me a wry look, he says, “As a future parent, I understand that. Now.”
I quietly absorb the impact of Caleb’s words, filing them away to think about later when I have time to apply them to my situation, not only with my sister but with Alison as well, because he’s right. There’s a pull between us.
