Page 57 of Free to Dream
“What makes you think I need protecting?” The heads swirl from me to Phil. Wimbledon ain’t got nothing on us when it comes to the speed of heads moving back and forth.
He leans back in his chair, knotting his fingers over his washboard abs. “Maybe because the last time you had a date it was with me for your senior prom, when I was still lying to myself that I wanted pussy as well as dick?” Looking over at his husband, he says, “I’m certain of which I want now.”
“I’d hope so,” Jason says mildly. Not helping, Jason, you damn traitor.
“Don’t you want advice, Cass? From the people who know you best and that you trust the most?” Phil pushes.
The thought of trusting Caleb flies through my mind. I hold onto my silence stubbornly. Okay, so what if the last time I had a date was something like ten years ago? While that part is true, I don’t need to share my entire dating experience to be dissected. Most of what Caleb and I shared was private, from the deepest parts of our souls. Doesn’t he get it? When he was falling for Jason, there was so much he didn’t want to share, so much he held back because…my thoughts slam into a wall.
Oh shit, I’m falling for Caleb Lockwood.
I literally feel the blood drain from my face. My mouth opens and a choking gasp comes out of my mouth. I vaguely hear Em telling my other sisters to shut the fuck up as they start demanding answers on top of each other. My hand, now shaking, reaches up to touch my mouth. My eyes don’t leave my brother’s.
Phil stands, comes next to my chair and pulls me up into his arms. “I got you, Little Girl,” he croons softly into my ear. It’s what he’s always said since the day he met me and was trying to get me to hold it together. My arms tighten and I bury my face into his neck. For how my brother comes across now as a self-absorbed drama queen, he has always been my rock. “I should have known you were just waiting for Prince Charming to come riding in,” he whispers in my ear, reminding me of the many nights he’d read me fairy tales, well into my teens, when I just couldn’t keep the nightmares at bay any longer.
I giggle into his neck. Phil stands to his full height, leaving my feet dangling off the floor. I grip his shoulders tighter. Suddenly, I feel another set of arms wrap around me and the scent of rosemary mint. Em. A kiss on the top of my head and a whiff of Chanel, Ali, followed by kisses on each cheek from Holly and Corinna, before each of their arms surround me in a cocoon of familial love.
Suddenly, I feel a wet lick on the back of my thigh as Mugsy joins in the family circle, not wanting to be left out. I let out a squeal in Phil’s ear, who immediately drops me.
“Dammit, Cass”, he curses me. I stumble backward into Em, and we both tumble to the floor laughing. We continue to lie there as our sisters collapse on each other. Jason laughs into his wine and Phil glares at Mugsy, who tilts his head in confusion, tongue lolling to the side.
“The best thing you ever did was adopt that dog,” I tell Em.
She’s still clutching her stomach. “Oh my god, Cassidy. Here we are, about to have a full out sob fest and in comes Mugsy.”
We both break into laughter again.
Phil, back to his normal self, is more aggravated that his rare emotional moment was ruined by a dog. “Well, I see what happens when I try to be supportive, so get off your ass Cassidy and start talking about the hotness that is Caleb Lockwood.” At Jason’s mild look, Phil retreats slightly. “What? He is hot for Cassidy.”
Ali reaches down a hand for Em and I, pulling us to our feet. I search Ali’s face questioningly, wondering what it was about Keene Marshall that attracted her to him.
She raises a perfectly arched eyebrow. “Something on your mind, Cass? Other than Caleb?” she smirks.
I open my mouth to ask her about Keene as we sit back down and resume dinner, but decide to save that for a later time. Really, it’s none of my business, and besides, I do have something else I want to ask.
“What’s sex like?”
A hushed silence falls across the table, with all eyes on me in some state of shock. Mentally, I note this topic for the next time we’re having an argument at the office. It’s an effective way to get them to shut up.
Em is the first to break the silence. “What do you mean, Cass? You’ve had sex since…”
I slowly shake my head from side to side.
“Cass, despite my earlier attempt at prodding you to talk about Caleb,” Phil says, exchanging a glance with Jason to make sure he isn’t being too invasive, “you’ve had what some who laughingly call “dates” since high school. You mean to tell us you haven’t had sex?”
Leaning back in my chair, I pick up my wine and stare at the ruby liquid. “I needed it to mean something,” I say into the depths of the glass. Realizing how that might sound to all my sexually active siblings, I continue. “I’m not judging the rest of you for living your lives so, please, don’t think that. But it wasn’t like I could stand to be alone in a room with a man. I still can’t handle certain situations where I know I’m all alone. When I could function enough to be able to accept the occasional escort it was usually you, Phil. Otherwise, I was never interested.” Swirling the wine around, I take a sip. “One thing I realized quickly during therapy is that for me, sex equates to trust, and being able to share everything about who I am. And essentially means it isn’t just sex but making love.” I look at the enraptured faces around the table. “I have to be in love.” Taking a deep breath, I let it all out. “He knows everything about me, and I do mean everything. And he doesn’t care. It’s almost impossible to believe.”
“And it’s scary as hell,” Phil murmurs, reaching for his husband’s hand. Jason lifts his hand to his lips.
All the girls sigh, myself included.
“The idea of us makes his friends nuts, by the way,” I continue, watching sappy faces turn into identical thunderclouds. “I’m not sure what it makes Ryan and Jared feel. It could cause a problem for the business if this doesn’t work out.”
“What do you mean his friends have a problem with it?” Holly demands.
“Screw the business,” Corinna mutters simultaneously.
I recount what happened at Molly Darcy’s. With a silent apology to Ali, I retell the part where I smacked down Keene. Her cobalt blue eyes flash in anger, but then an evil smile erupts on her face when she says, “Good for you, sister. I just wish I’d been there to do it myself.”
