Page 44 of Free to Dream
“At the lake, Pixie. We’ll talk there.”
* * *
Turning off Christopher Columbus Avenue,we arrive at a small twenty-five-acre state park. I get out of the car and take a deep breath of cold air. Reaching behind the driver’s seat, I grab my leather jacket and shrug it on before walking around to open Cassidy’s door. She’s shivering.
“Where’s your coat, Pixie?” Reaching down, she grabs it off the floor of the Porsche. I wait for her to pull the poncho over her head and hold out my hand to take hers as she steps from the car. The soft material brushes against my hand. “It’s so soft,” I murmur softly.
“Cashmere. A gift from the family for my birthday.”
I turn her to face me and lift her hair out, then slide my hands down her arms until they reach her hands. “Can you walk in those?” I tip my chin at her shoes.
“If we stay on paths, yes.”
“Come with me,” I coax.
We start off down the path toward the water that will either lead to our destruction or the beginning of something great. Right now, I’m not sure which.
We reach a picnic table and bench. After making sure there are no animals around it or bird crap on top of it, I hop on top of it and hold her hand as she climbs carefully next to me. We have a gorgeous view of the lake. If I strain my eyes a bit, I can make out the birds on the banks huddling down for warmth in the night air.
Fuck, how the hell was I supposed to do this?
I want to kick my own ass. I feel like I’ve done everything wrong since we got to the restaurant, like the kiss on the stairs. I could feel her pulse hammering against her ribs where my hands were. The tension when I held her wrist. Then she relaxed so seamlessly with us at dinner, I’d thought she was ready for more.
All I did was hold her hand and she ran. Now, she wants to talk. I have no idea what to say.
I think back to the Thomas Paine quote Matt gave me that I have folded in my wallet,“The real man smiles in trouble, gathers strength from distress, and grows brave by reflection.”
Having read Common Sense in college and knowing Paine meant the value of happiness didn’t mean much without strife, I know Matt was trying to tell me I had to navigate this minefield with Cassidy before I would be able to fully experience joy with her.
Until then, it would always be between us.
I’m just about to start talking when Cassidy asks me, “Have you had a good time tonight?”
She’s still facing the lake.
I turn slightly toward her. “Yes. Haven’t you?”
Her profile reveals a wry smile. “Probably one of the best nights of my life. I imagine for a woman, the first date of your life would be.”
I don’t react. In fact, I think I’m frozen. Did she say what I think she said? “What?” I manage to croak out. I hope my voice holds surprise, when in reality, it’s not a surprise at all.
Is she going there?
“Cassidy? Are you telling me that tonight is your first date? As in ever?” I hold my breath in anticipation of her answer.
“Yes,” she answers quietly.
“Why?” There are so many things that why is for. Why are you telling me this right now? Did something happen where I tipped off what I know?
She’s quiet, still focused on the lake, lost in thought.
“Pixie, why?” I whisper in the cold darkness.
“I didn’t understand the first time it happened,” I hear her say softly. “I didn’t understand the pain. I was too young.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped across the face. Holy sweet motherfucking Jesus. She’s talking.
She stands and steps away from the table, her delicate arms wrapping around herself. I stand and take a step closer to her. Her back is to me, but she must hear my feet in the fall leaves. She holds up her hand. “No, Caleb. I need to tell this my way. I need to do it on my own.”
