Page 6 of Only Everything
“Yeah.”
I let my gaze cut over to stare out of the window of his new truck, ignoring how he was mocking me.
Our relationship was toxicity spiked with optimism. Sure, we had good moments. Affectionate and loving ones, but the reality was just as cold as he was, and no amount of hope or deluding myself would change that. Love couldn’t rule a person who was filled with hate. It didn’t matter what happened, Emmett’s true colors always broke through. Degradation and gaslighting were his specialties. They were in the heart of every conversation, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t justify or stomach how I continued to take his abuse. Each flash of disgust, every lash from his tongue when he lost his temper. They were there, circling and eating into the already damaged parts of me. They were picking my insecurities apart even more until I believed them. How could I not with how frequently Emmett demoralized me? Years…. Four… long… years. The memories spun around, never leaving, drowning me with the weight of the truth.
“You put your phone on vibrate? What are you hiding? Who are you talking to? —Oh, I see what’s happening, youthought by making my lunch you could somehow erase the fact that you don’t have a job— Wait, you can’t work there. A pharmacy tech? You can’t be serious. — What do you mean, you missed the deadline for spring semester? I’ve been reminding you to get in your information for weeks. Me, reminding you.I’m not even the one who needs to go to college. That’s you. I’ve done my time. But you… No. Stupid…Idiot.Fuck, Tauren. Sometimes I think you were born without a brain. No wonder you’ve never made anything of yourself. It’s like you want to stay trash your entire life. Have I taught you nothing? I can’t keep carrying this weight alone. You might as well not even work with the shitty amount you bring in now. You’re going back to school, and you’re starting in the fall.”
Stupid. Lazy. Nothing I did was enough. Between what he saw as my faults, to his jealousy for Reid, he was getting worse. At least I could make excuses for the school issue, not that I should have had to. If I decided to attend college, I wanted it to be because furthering my education was my choice, not because he was making me. Emmett didn’t see it that way.
His word was law.
He had the final say.
And not just about school, but on everything. From my clothes to music to food. Nothing I did was good enough. The more time that passed, the more he found wrong with me. Delaying, excuses, they were all getting harder to come by. Emmett’s patience was running thin, and our arguments were escalating. To what…I was too afraid to find out.
“It’s been a while since we went anywhere outside of Asheville. With as much as I work, lately, it’s like I livethere. Being a cop is great, but I miss our drives. We used to cruise out this way just to dream of our future. Do you remember that?”
I glanced over, taking in blond hair and blue eyes. His once handsome face was replaced by a numb dread I wasn’t ready to feel.
“I do. Those were good times.”
“The best. Everything will come together soon. You’ll see.”
Emmett smiled, but all I could manage was a nod. The only thing in our future was a war. I had to leave. This wasn’t real. The happiness wouldn’t last. It never did. We’d get this trip over with, and then I’d continue apartment hunting in the surrounding towns. I couldn’t stay near Black Mountain. I’d left Emmett before, twice, but he always found ways to get me to come home. He was always there. Always close. I couldn’t keep getting confronted, guilt tripped and threatened at every turn. I had to break free for good. The verbal abuse had taken its toll, and with the beginning of the physical abuse starting, I knew where this was leading if I continued down this path. I had to start over. I had to break free.
Miles passed as we went deeper into the back roads. I let the longing take me over. The guilt. My heart had been aching for Reid over the last few months, and it was only getting worse. He’d sounded so…broken the last time we’d talked. He could barely keep it together as he wished me happy birthday. It destroyed me to hear him that way. I’d kept us apart so he’d stand some sort of chance at a future, but even with that decision, I’d made life for both of us worse. So much fucking worse.
What had I done by pushing him away? By denying myself the one person I needed? Loved… No. I couldn’t think about that.
“I was talking to James?—”
“Officer McMillian, your partner?”
“Yeah, he told me of this great spot he frequents. It’s a bit further back than where I originally planned to take you. Maybe another fifteen or so minutes up the road. A bit off-the-grid, but nothing we can’t find.”
“But…we did all that research. The one we agreed on had the hikes and climbing for beginners. I can’t?—”
“Sure you can. You’ll be fine. James said his wife didn’t have any problems, and you have me. I won’t let you get hurt.”
Words wouldn’t come as I searched Emmett’s smiling face. My stomach twisted with knots. Deviating from our plans felt…wrong.
“Alright. If you think I can do it.”
“I know you can do it.” He winked, his good mood flooding back as he returned his focus to the road. But I didn’t like it. I felt uncomfortable, and I knew it had to do with my lack of trust. Emmett said I needed a new therapist, but he didn’t understand that it wasn’t her. It was him.It was me.It was my past.
Tauren the troublemaker.
Tauren and her bad luck.
Cursed, careless, dumb Tauren.
No wonder I had stayed in this relationship so long. I was oblivious to the signs. I ruined everything I touched. Everyone I loved died or became broken. It was probably the reason why I first fell for a man thatwas forbidden and was now trapped with one who refused to let me go. It’s what I deserved. The thing was, I was sick of accepting that. I didn’t want a savior anymore. I wanted to find one within myself. I wanted to run away from it all like I should have done years ago and start fresh. Become…new. Control. Power. Ihadto find that within myself. Somehow...
“The store’s right up the road. We’ll pick up some bug spray and snacks. I’m excited for you to see the overlook James was talking about. It seemed like quite the site. Apparently, you can see for miles. I wonder if we’ll see anything good?”
Good? Did he mean more than trees and rocks? I couldn’t imagine how seeing distance was enjoyable, but maybe that was only because my dad had never taken me hiking or exploring. And hadn’t Emmett called it an adventure? Maybe all this negativity was making my situation worse. I really needed to try to have fun. After all, this would be the last few days of a chapter I intended to close forever. My new start was on the horizon, I just had to survive the wilderness for a few days, and then I was home free.
“It might be nice to try to time it around sunset.” My voice was light. Happy. “I bet we could get some really pretty pictures.”
