Page 49 of Only Everything
CHAPTER 18
TAUREN
HadI not been close to telling Reid about my feelings? Had I not been tempted to propose a trial run into town as a couple?
Who was I kidding? There was no trial run. There was nothing but facing a truth that held me hostage. It was yes or no. Jump…or fucking fall. I knew what happened when you hit the ground, and that’s what I was asking for again if I went through with this. Did I care anymore? All I could think about lately was how I was hurting the only person I loved. I had the power. Why couldn’t I choose? Why couldn’t I stand up for what I wanted for the first time in my fucking life?
“Brittany.” My eyes rolled as the jealousy increased with my speed. “If I’m not home by eleven—” I scoffed, slamming my palm against my steering wheel. “What are we, in high school?” Heavier, my foot pushed against the gas pedal. “Lock the door, Tauren.Lock the dead bolt.” Mytone was mocking, and still, I pushed my car faster around the windy roads that took me to a place I suddenly couldn’t stand.
My hometown. Part of my curse.
“I won’t lock the door. Fuck you. I just won’t go back to your cabin.”
The sentence had me stiffening.
Not go back? It was a lie, but hearing myself say it out loud… Not go back?
Emotions had the road blurring as tears came. If I didn’t go back, I wouldn’t know if Reid came home. I wouldn’t see his guilt or shame and feel my heart break because of it. And didn’t I need to see and feel that? Or was that more of the self-harm my therapist had brought up. To see Reid’s hair tussled or see the top few buttons of his shirt undone as he staggered through the door wouldkillme. It would destroy me, and that made thoughts come that shouldn’t have been there. Now that I had Reid back in my life, I seemed to be just as unstable as him. Not to mention just as desperate to sink my claws into him as if he were some possession. But where he wanted a claim… I wanted… the same.
“Brittany.”
Again, the name rolled off my tongue like an enemy. A frustrated sound left me, and the sound of sirens had my eyes jerking to the rear-view mirror. The red and blue lights had my lips parting in anxiety. Shaking took over as I slowed and pulled off onto a long gravel road, surrounded by thick trees.
“Get it together, Tauren. Fuck.”
I quickly put it in park and wiped the tears, squaring my shoulders as I moved my attention to the side mirror. The officer pulled in behind me. His door opened, and I squinted, seeing if I recognized him—praying I didn’t. We weren’t in Asheville, but the officers sometimes bounced around to surrounding towns. It wasn’t uncommon, and I groaned as strawberry-blond hair pulled my attention.
Rolling down the window, I tried slowing my breathing. I was fine. I wasn’t in trouble. I did nothing wrong. I was speeding. That was okay. He could give me a ticket, and I could go along my merry way to…. nowhere. I had nowhere to go. I didn’t even know what I was doing.All I wanted was Reid.
“Officer.”
I forced a smile as he eased to a stop outside my door.
“License and registration.”
I reached over, handing them to him.
“Ma’am. Do you know you were going sixty-two in a forty-five?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that. I…” Tears rolled down my face, and I quickly wiped them away. “I’m sorry. I have a lot on my mind.”
He paused, his lids narrowing. “I know you.”
“Yes. My… ex, he was an officer in Asheville. We met once when I brought him lunch.”
“Right.” He smiled. “Emmett.” The smile slowly fell. “I briefly heard of his passing. Accident? I’m sorry, the details are vague. I was on vacation when it happened. I’m afraid by the time I returned, the talk had already died down.”
“Accident, yes.”
He slowly nodded, scanning my face. “I’m truly sorry. …He…tried to hurt you. Kill you. Did I hear that part right?”
I quickly wiped the tears again, not able to answer as I sobbed. The radio sounded as he relayed my information over.
“He hadn’t been himself for a while. I was going to leave him. He found out. He just…”
“Lost it.” He leaned forward, resting his forearm against the top of my door. “The stress of this job can make some crazy. If I recall, he wasn’t a very good cop to begin with.”
A female voice sounded, and my name was repeated as she gave me the clear.
