Page 27 of Only Everything
Did I say something wrong?
“I mean…unless… Do you not want me to be here for you?”
Had my voice cracked? Was it shaking as badly as my heart was racing?
“Oh, Reid.”
Harder, she sobbed, tugging against my hand, trying to get me to come to her. I didn’t wait. I couldn’t. I was perplexed by her reaction, but she seemed to need me, and fuck if I didn’t need her too.
“Tell me what you want.” I slid my arm under the crook of her neck, pulling her into my body and chest as I held on to her with dear life. “Tell me what to do, Taur.”
Fingers dug into my back as she cried and kept her face buried in my chest. Minutes seemed to pass as she went through episodes of stopping, only to start again. But she never let go. She never pulled away as she clung to me.
“You don’t have to decide anything right now.” My voice was soft. “You don’t even have to leave if you don’t want to. We both know I don’t want you to. I’m trying to be supportive. I—I want to be what you need, no matter who that is. I just.” I stopped, swallowing hard, waiting to see if she was going to become upset again. “One day at a time. How does that sound?”
She quickly nodded her face against my damp t-shirt. My eyes closed in a victory all their own.
She wasn’t rushing to leave.
She wasn’t pushing me away.
She was here, in my arms, and she was staying.
She was mine, and somewhere deep inside, she fucking knew it.
“Reid?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry. I… Do you think you could ever hate me?”
Her head tipped back, but I didn’t look down as I weighed her question.
“Hate? …I tried to do that…for years. The more I tried to hate you, the more I realized I loved you.”
She sniffled, moving her face back into my chest.
“You should hate me. I was sure you already did.”
“Why?”
“It’s my fault that Frank?—”
“Don’t.”
“Reid—”
“That was not your fault.”
“He found our letters. The ones you wrote to me during bootcamp, before you came home.”
I moved back, lifting her face so that she’d look at me. Swollen, bloodshot brown eyes were pooled with tears—with guilt.
“All of them?”
“I believe so. I don’t know. Some were crumbled. Others were torn. There were pieces all over when I came home from work. I thought I hid them well enough. I didn’t. He found them. I don’t even know what happened. I walked in, and I saw your mom sitting on the kitchen floor surrounded by white. I was going to run to help her, but then I saw that it was the letters. She was so…angry. Her hand was against her cheek, and she was crying.” Tauren stopped, her eyes glazed over as she stared ahead in a daze. “My dad… I only made it a few steps into the kitchen and suddenly…there was a gun pointed at my face.”
Silent tears left her, and her head went back and forth. “The next thing I knew, your mom jumped up from the floor. It all happened so fast. When my dad turned the gun on himself, I was already in shock. I wasn’t even thinkingrationally. I grabbed the letters and soaked them with water and threw them away. I think I was even pulling them apart as mush. I…I don’t know. What I do know is you told me to hide them, and it wasn’t good enough. I loved her, Reid. I loved Becky, and it was all my fault.”
