Page 12 of Only Everything
Right. I’d be sure to thank him in the “fuck you” letter I left behind when I took all my shit.
Whistling filled the space, and I found myself walking faster just to get this stupid hike over with. I wanted to be to the climbing already—the end. I wanted these miles to pass just so I could finish for the day and sleep to escape him. Bastard. How had I managed to put up with his shit for so long? Why did it feel like my eyes had only just opened or some fog had cleared from my brain?
Maybe I knew why.
Hearing my brother wasn’t okay—hearing him so unhinged months ago… and today—the way he’d yelled my name. God, it had triggered something in me. Pain, yes, but there was a darkness I held for him. One that used to scare me. But hearing him so unstable. It triggered something worse than possessiveness or longing. A piece of me broke. How was that even possible? Wasn’t I shattered enough? How the hell had we gotten here? How did I let this happen? I did. This was all my fault.Reid…He loved me. He never would have treated me like this.
A sob tore through my thoughts. My world was spinning and spinning—Emmett—Reid—my father—Becky—life. With every step, I could feel the throb in my face where Emmett’s fingers had dug into my skin. And I was here again. No power. No say. I could still see my father from that night. He’d been so drunk. So angry when I’d come in from my fast-food job. Becky was sitting on the floor in her diner uniform, crying, holding her face. I saw letters strewn all around, some torn, some crumbled—Reid’s letters to me. And then my father turned, pointing the gun right at my face.
I sucked in air, nearly choking on the new sob, trying to catch myself through the episode that seemed to come from nowhere. Everywhere.
“Come on, Tauren. You’re seriously going to throw a fit because I’m making you do some exercise?”
I spun so fast, I couldn’t stop myself. I reared back, swinging and pounding into Emmett’s chest. My fist clipped his jaw and despite that I saw his stunned expression turn dark, I couldn’t get myself to obey. Emmett’s wide eyes narrowed, and his top lip pulled back through the rage I’d unleashed. My intuition was screaming to run, to duck, to fucking stop. I couldn’t. Pain exploded across my temple and eye, and the force from Emmett’s hit had me crumbling and falling to the ground. Light went in and out, wavering as I nearly fell over. The high-pitched tone was all I heard. My vision blurred, mixing with shades of orange and brown from the autumn leaves.
Earth.
Dirt.
The smell engulfed my senses.
“You’ve done it now.” He reached down, grabbing my backpack to jerk me back to my feet. “Move your fucking ass and walk.”
I cried harder, stumbling as I tried to get the stars to stop dancing in my vision. Every time I started to veer from lightheadedness, Emmett righted me from behind. I knew better than to turn or speak, so I did what I did best.
I disassociated.
I bowed.
I seethed…
What felt like ten miles passed as we weaved through a trail that went from groomed to wild. The width went in and out, and I wasn’t sure anyone had been through in years. I stepped over fallen logs in a blur. I ducked under thick vines and foliage like a robot. It got to the point where Emmett had to push through a curtain of green just so we could continue. When the trail finally opened, reality became all too real. I gasped, nearly collapsing at the sight.
There was no climb. There were only a few feet before it dropped off to a cliff. It wasn’t beautiful as I stood there with the wind whipping my hair in my face. Not with who was beside me.It was terrifying.
Mountains stretched for as far as I could see, and the mass of trees and wilderness left me lowering to sit on theground as I stared ahead at the desolation in horror. The landscape was picturesque with the bright beautiful leaves and storm clouds looming not far in the distance. It was straight out of a painting. But it also signified a fear I was too frightened to consider.
I was alone, and with a man I couldn’t trust. I didn’t think Emmett would severely hurt me, but I hadn’t thought my father would kill Becky either. There were no rules to murder. There was no beginning or end. There was only an act. The body was a fragile thing. It could take unlimited trauma, or one action alone could take your life forever. Every fight with an abuser was Russian roulette. My time was ticking down with Emmett, and it was going to get a lot worse before I could leave and make it better.
“Isn’t it amazing, Tauren?” Emmett crouched just behind me, moving in so close that his breath brushed the side of my aching cheek. “Have you ever seen anything so spectacular in all your life? It’s intimidating, isn’t it? Vast. Open, yet confining. Seeing how high we are in the center of it all, aren’t you glad you toughed it out and listened to me?”
I couldn’t stop the trembling at how close Emmett was. For the first time in my life, I knew true fear. I hadn’t felt it when Becky flew from the floor and lunged for my dad. The shot had left me frozen. Blood sprayed across my face at the closeness, showering me with the warmth. I didn’t think he’d meant to react that way, but as shock turned to dawning on his face, my world stalled. I couldn’t recall breathing. I didn’t even think I moved as his eyes came to me. Disgust. Hate. His hand shot up, and he turned the gun so that it fit inside his mouth. No pause. No hesitation.
Bang!
An eternity could have passed for the impact that had on me. I was confused. Petrified. Nothing. Ice. The next thing I knew, I was screaming. I was tearing at my hair and sobbing. But fear wasn’t present. Here with Emmett, not feet from the edge of a cliff he could have thrown me over…I felt sick. The ground was rolling under me as I dug my fingers into rock, and there was nothing I could do about it.
“You’re in awe. I know how you feel. I felt this way the first time too.”
I blinked, trying to process words I knew were wrong.
“It’s beautiful. First time? I thought?—”
Emmett pulled me to my feet, kissing my forehead.
“It was only a small lie. Just a little one.” He grabbed my hand, lifting it while he pulled a small box from his pocket. “What are lies when they’re in our best interest,right?” He opened the box, taking out a diamond ring and sliding it on my ring finger. “Had I been honest, you might not have come. How could we have made it to this point if I would have told you the truth?”
I looked down at the ring on the hand he still held. I wasn’t just shaking anymore; I was damn near convulsing at how hard my body was twitching and jerking.
