Page 38 of Only Everything
“Yeah.” She sniffled again, holding around me so tight, it almost seemed she was afraid I’d disappear. “Do you want to have an early dinner with me tomorrow? I.” Shestopped. “I usually eat in the break room, but I don’t want to be there.”
“I thought you were enjoying being back at work?”
“I am. I was. Nancy, my therapist, thinks that I'm just being paranoid, but I feel like everybody's looking at me differently. Day after day, they're always watching. And then they whisper. It doesn’t feel the same. I know it has to be about what happened with Emmett. I can't stand it. I thought going back to something normal would help, but now I'm not so sure that I want to go back at all. I'm so confused.”
“I'll get a job. I'll work. You can stay here.”
Tauren’s head lifted, moving back as she stared over at me.
“I couldn't let you do that. I have to work. Just maybe not there. I've been thinking... Is there anything really left here for me anymore? I thought there was. I thought—Do you think the looks will stop? The blame? The pity? That's all I see. It's like everybody at work is walking around on eggshells just looking at me. Talking about me. I feel...”
“Exposed?”
“Yeah. That, and fifty other things.”
“It's just new, and this is a small town. Give it another week. If it doesn't change, put in your notice or don't go back at all. I said I would take care of you, and I meant it. I don't bring in a lot of money from the VA, but it's enough for us to survive until I find something else. If you want to move, you already know where I stand on that.”
“Yeah.”
“Just go to sleep and let’s see how you feel in a fewdays. No matter what you decide, everything is going to be okay. I promise.”
And it would. I would do whatever it took to make sure that Tauren was happy. If she didn't want to work, I would. If she needed peace of mind, I’d scour the earth to find it for her. If she needed the nightmares to stop, I'd burn that fucking house to the ground so it couldn't show up in her dreams anymore. There wasnothingI wouldn't do for her.
“Reid.”
Her fingers traveled up my chest, moving along my neck as she cupped my jaw. She didn't have to ask. My lips met hers, and I rolled her onto her back. The T-shirt was up around her waist, and Tauren pulled it over her head as I grabbed the lining of her panties, removing them. The moment my tongue connected against her pussy, she moaned, pushing her fingers through my hair as she held on.
“Can't we just stay in this moment right here? I don't want to sleep. I don't want to wake up. I don't want tomorrow to come.”
I didn't answer as I eased a finger inside of her. With how deep I was analyzing her every word, her tone, her every move, I didn't like what I was hearing.
“Spread your legs wide for me, baby.”
I sucked against her clit as Tauren obeyed. I added another finger, thrusting as I continued to flick my tongue.But I watched her. I felt my possessiveness grow. No one was going to hurt what was mine. Not a person. Not a location. Not even a fucking dream.
Was she really hiding what I already knew; what I suspected?
“God, I want…” She cried out, wiggling. “You keep doing that to me. I want to taste you too. Lie down.”
Her words were enough to have my head lifting, but I didn't move immediately. When I did, I felt like I was going in slow motion. Tauren always said she'd never do that. She was weird about the act. Had she lost the affliction over the years? Was it the nightmare or her past guilting her? She did appear to be in a rush.
I lowered to my back, watching as she came to sit beside me. I knew she just wanted to pleasure me, but I grabbed her leg, lifting to pull her on top of me so I could continue to lick her pussy as she went down on me. The act had Tauren jerking and almost falling off the bed. More, the molten pressure inside me grew, blistering every inch.
“I-I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. I’ll—Just you. I’ll do that to you."
But that was impossible. There was no arousal left, and I wasn't getting it back any time soon. My mind was working, and my body couldn't take the betrayal to her at knowing what I suspected. I wasn't going to use her that way. Not while my mind was here. I felt too sick to even attempt to think about going further.
“You're still rattled from your dream.” I pulled her back over, anchoring her at my side protectively. “Lie down by me. Let me hold you. We'll try again tomorrow. …You'll feel better...tomorrow.”
CHAPTER 14
TAUREN
I couldn't getover Reid's rejection. And it wasn't real rejection, it was protection, and I knew that. But him putting a stop to us last night only made me feel unwanted and… shameful. I'd been right on the verge of facing my fears like me and my therapist had talked about. I was so close. But then he'd grabbed me and lifted me and panic hit. All I could feel were my dad's hands on me—forcing me—guiding me—annihilating me. I'd fought so hard for years, and I'd had the bruises and scars to prove it. But those didn't help ease the guilt or disgust. There were times I didn't fight. At least not as hard as I could have. My father didn't care. Willing, unwilling, sick or injured, asleep or awake, nothing mattered but when he wanted it.
“What you’ve told me… about your father.” Nancy moved to the edge of her chair, across from me. Her voice was soft but steady. “That’s not a burden you should have ever of carried. I need you to hear me. Tauren, I am so proud of you. For years you’ve fought me and pushed back, but today you let me in. That takes immense strength.”
“Strength?” My eyes flooded with tears. “Saying the truth out loud feels like weakness. Like he still has control over me.”
