Page 28 of Only Everything
“No.”
Fingers dug into my chest, and she clung to me. Sheneededsomething from me. She kept doing this, holding onto me as if I were the only one who could ground her.
“Yes. You lost your mom because I caused their fight. I didn’t hide the letters well enough. I…I—I seduced you that first time. You should hate me. I’m the one who crossed the line and?—”
“Stop it. Look at me, Taur. Right here,” I said, pointing to my eyes as she tried to divert her gaze. “We were not at fault. Your dad was an alcoholic piece of shit. He didn’t need an excuse to be an asshole. He hit you for breathing. The letters, our love, being together, none of that was a mistake. The fault rested within him. Frank was broken. He was sick, and my only regret was that I didn’t kill him when I had the chance. I should have forced you and my mom to leave with me when I came home to get you. She knew who her husband was. She didn’t eventryto leave him, and by doing that, she made you feel obligated to stay to protect her.” I gave my head a hard shake. “I know that’s why you didn’t come with me. I see that now. I don’t blame you. I don’t blame myself. The only one to blame is the man who pulled the trigger. He wanted to die; he was just too big of a coward to do it alone.”
“But if?—”
“Tauren. No. Frank did this.No one else.”
“But—”
“No.”
Her pained expression was joined with a repressed cry that couldn’t be held in. I let out a deep breath, sliding my fingers through her hair as I leaned in, kissing the top of her head and holding to her as she began crying again.
“You can’t accept what I’m saying, but I’m telling you, this isn’t your fault. I don’t blame you, Taur. I don’t even blame you for Emmett anymore. I…see why you stayed with him now. He was like your dad. You were afraid. I understand.”
She didn’t respond. She just held to me until the crying finally stopped and her breathing slowed. My lids lowered, and I gave myself to the feel of her body against mine. To her smell as I buried my nose in her hair. For the first time, my salvation didn’t rest in my dreams. It was broken in my arms, curled around me, sleeping, and I was going to do everything I could to keep it this way.
Here.
Close.
Together.
CHAPTER 10
TAUREN
I didn’t wantto wake. Not the first day and not the second. To face what happened with Emmett was acknowledging that I was the common denominator in everything horrible that had transpired in my life. The truth was simple.I turned men into monsters.My dad, Emmett…Reid.
My brother wasn’t okay. He couldn’t function normally without me in his life. Emmett couldn’t either, just in another way. Emmett lived to hurt me. Reid would kill anyone who got too close. They weren’t the same, yet they were both my creations.
What did that say about me? Who was I that my love created killers? My dad killed Reid’s mom because of me. Emmett would have killed me, but Reid killed him first. I was a circle of conundrums.
Who…was…I?
I didn’t know this evening when Reid urged me to eat and shower. I didn’t know now.
As I listened to my brother snore behind me, maybe it was better to not even ask the stupid question. I wanted to forget. I wanted to disappear. I wanted…my brother.
I had to find a way to erase the memories that would never leave me. To forget?—
I nearly moaned at how heightened my body was. How could a person escape patterns when their very soul was determined to repeat them? Sex. I was like a tuning fork. I was never more turned on than I was when it came to Reid, and here he was—his lean, muscular body molded to mine—his arm around my waist, and his hand against my breast. Maybe that’s why I knew that even though I shouldn’t, even though it was wrong, I had every intention of acting on the one need I shouldn’t have given thought to. Thing was, it’sallI was thinking about. I was wet. Hot.Needing.A sick, fucked up part of me fed from that.
An owl sounded in the distance, and with how dark it was, I knew it was in the middle of the night. I’d gotten enough sleep to last for weeks. I wasn’t tired. I was hungry for everything but a dose of reality.
Could I be any more horrible of a person? Any more revolting?
Internal screams were the response to the questions that came. I ignored them, turning in Reid’s arms to face him. His deep breath became broken as he made a sound, and I knew he was deep in sleep. I should go to the living room. The realization hit but didn’t stop my fingertips from connecting gently against Reid’s bare chest. Hardness registered as I traveled over his pec, dipping to the valley in the center. I bit my lip, letting the lust take me over as I slowly moved down toward his stomach. He’d alwaysbeen in good shape, but now, he was different. Muscles flexed under my touch, and Reid’s breath caught as he stirred awake. He stiffened as I kept going, but he didn’t move or stop me as I explored over his abs; he waited. And me…I found myself pausing as I reached the waistband of his shorts.
I should stop. Reid was allowing me that with the way he let me lead. I could roll over and pretend to sleep and we’d be fine in the morning. I could pretend this never happened…but could I really?
My lids lowered and my forehead came to rest in the center of his chest. I could feel my heavy breaths hot against my face. I flattened my hand on the side of his stomach, pressing my fingertips in as I tried to grasp some form of sanity. This was a mistake. It wouldbea mistake to continue.
More, my fingers pressed down. I eased my head up, but I couldn’t stop myself from opening my mouth and moving in to suck hard against his skin. A moan tore from Reid as fingers buried in my hair, keeping me trapped against him. Saltiness took over my senses, and I let it consume me as I forced myself against his hold to go from his upper chest to the side of his neck.
