Page 102 of Jase
How different my life was now. That I could even have it touching my scarred skin showed me just have far I’d come in my healing journey. I was shaking, but I wasn’t freaking out. I was nauseous, but I wasn’t physically becoming ill.
Minutes passed. I barely noticed. I let myself stay trapped in my own hell as I battled what was so hard to face. When was the last time I thought about those days? About what I’d gone through? My new life with Jase made it easy to forget. The immediate threat overshadowed everything from my past. That day wasn’t hiding anymore. Now that the memories were here, I refused to let them own me.
“There we go. Just like I—” Jase’s words cut off as I looked up. “What the hell happened?” He angrily came to my side, lowering. “Are you crying?” He scanned the room, half confused, have furious. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I mean…” A numbness had me looking down to the leather I had twisted in my nearly white fingers.
“Kody, I had that hidden in the back for a reason.”
“It’s so close. It’s crazy…I can so easily see—feel. I’m sorry. It’s been almost six months. I thought if I faced this.”
Jase took the handle, easing the flogger from my grasp. Healing doesn’t have a timeline, and it sure as hell doesn’t disappear in half a year.” He pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it as he rested on his knees directly behind me. “Face forward. Close your eyes and lean your forehead on the mattress.”
I wiped tears I couldn’t control, letting darkness take over as I obeyed.
“Feel. Listen to my voice as you do.”
Fingers made a path up my back, barely brushing over my skin. I licked my lips, putting my focus on Jase as he traveled to my shoulder, moving sideways to gather my hair, and place it over the other side. When my back was bare, he eased down the length again, this time putting the leather strands between his fingers and my skin. Over and over, he traveled my back, continuing the stimulation.
“The moment I saw you, something happened to me. I know I told you before, but I had a suspicion the show was fake. They have dungeons in the clubs. I figured you were living that life because you needed it. That was before I saw the first show, your third show. I wasn’t sure what was really happening, but what I did know was that you were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. When I thought the event was staged, I kept thinking, why couldn’t I find her before she went there? I could have given her whatever it was she needed.” He stopped, but I didn’t lift my head.
“When I found out you were in trouble, that the show was real…I panicked. I didn’t even know you, but I had to save you. I swore I’d do everything I could to figure out where you were. God, I had to. I wasn’t even sure what any of it meant, but there was something about you that I couldn’t deny. I felt this…link. A connection between us. It seems so minor to what I feel now.” He paused. “Kody.”
Breath brushed over my shoulder as he leaned in, kissing along my neck until he reached just behind my ear. I shivered, feeling the leather caught between my back and his chest.
“I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time now. What happened when you were taken will forever impact us. Maybe there will be moments it fades so deeply in the background we temporarily forget, but those days will never go away. It can be scary, but you have me. You’re not alone. I helped you then, and I’m going to help you now, and tomorrow, and for as long as you’ll have me. I promise.”
My head did come up, then. Jase’s words engulfed me as his promise replayed in my mind, just like when he’d rescued me. He spoke the truth back then. There was no doubt in my mind he spoke the truth now.
“Jase.”
He slid the handle to the opposite side of my jaw, gently using it to bring my attention his way. So many thoughts poured through as I spun on my knees the rest of the way to face him.
“Kody, do you love me?”
I searched the depths of his stare. My heart was pounding as I nodded. “I do.”
“Do what?”
“I love you.”
“Enough to let me help you face your fears?”
He was tracing the end of the handle over the far side of my chest. Although Jase wouldn’t hurt me, the thought of the strands wrapping around my legs and stomach nearly turned my blood cold.
“I trust you.”
The handle pushed gently against the inside of one of my knees. I swallowed hard, not able to look down as Jase reached out, leveling his finger under my chin so I had to keep eye contact. Slowly, I spread my legs wider at his silent command. Leather made a path up my thigh, brushing over my folds.
“You’re going to stand and lean over the bed. Keep your feet on the ground and your legs spread.”
“Will you—Are you going to…?”
The look he wore had me stopping. I said I trusted him. It was time for me to prove it.
I stood as he remained sitting on the floor, trying to hide the way I was shaking as I turned to face the bed. My hands lowered first, flattening against the comforter. For seconds I stayed that way.
“Listen to my voice. Feel it. You weren’t alone then. You’re not alone now. All the way down, baby.”
