Page 52 of Jase
“You didn’t wake me. I’ve been up for a while. You said I wanted you to go?”
“Yeah.” I turned my head, glancing at the clock to avoid talking anymore about my dream. “It’s already three? In the afternoon?”
“It is. I don’t think I’ve slept this long in years. It was nice. Kody, about your dream.”
Jase reached to brush back my hair, but before I could stop myself, I flinched. The look that flashed across his face was worse than if I’d slapped him. His arm drew back, and for seconds we stared at each other in silence.
Chapter 19
Jase
There was a difference between uncertainty and fear. Uncertainty was redeemable. Fear…that took serious work to overcome. It took dedication. I didn’t mind causing fear in people. During certain times it was needed. Now was not that time. Yet…I did this. I caused that look in the one woman I was trying to protect. She was right; I wasn’t okay. What I was doing couldn’t continue. Not this way.
“Kody, about what’s happening—last night, I should have told you.”
“Yes.”
“The fact that I didn’t.” I stopped myself, searching for the right way to express the colliding emotions. The way Kody was watching me…It wasn’t like me to care what people thought. I did with her. I was attached. I’d been attached from the beginning, and there was no going back from that. “I went there for your computer, and although I got it, I…My motives weren’t completely honorable. Truth is, I’m lost. Since I saw you, I haven’t been okay. Even before, I wasn’t. The last few years have been really hard. I don’t even know myself anymore. The person I am.” Again, I stopped. “I don’t like what I’ve become. Now, you’re afraid of me too? I don’t like that. I’m sorry I added to what you’ve been through. That wasn’t my intention.”
“Jase—”
“You don’t believe me. That’s obvious. I want us to start over. I’ve been thinking about what you said last night. I have some connections in the FBI I work with on occasion when something big goes down. I’ll continue the search, but I’ll anonymously hand over what I find to them. How does that sound?”
“It sounds.” Her walls only grew higher as her gaze left mine. “Are you telling the truth, or are you saying what I want to hear so I don’t leave?”
“I’m being honest. I know it’ll take time for you to trust me again but let me prove myself to you. Okay?”
Skepticism. She wasn’t sure if she could believe me. Last night ruined any trust I’d gained throughout the weeks she’d been released. I screwed up, and now I had to fix my mistake. Not just with her, but perhaps with myself. I couldn’t deny the cravings for alcohol. I’d tried to drown out the past for so long, I didn’t know how to function without being under the influence in some way or another. Even if it was just sipping on a drink here and there, like I had since I’d found her. Sure, I cut down a lot, but it was time to cut it out completely.
Kody lowered her gaze through her thoughts. “I quit doing second chances long ago. Don’t make me regret this. Please.”
“I won’t. You’ll see.” I licked my lips, reaching forward to unfasten the cuff. I slid my fingers up her palm to hook my index finger with hers and I brought her arm towards me. “Are you hungry?”
“Starving.”
“There’s a restaurant downstairs that has breakfast twenty-four hours a day. Do you like pancakes?”
A slight smile. “I love them.”
“Strawberries?”
“Banana.”
“Ooh. Good choice.”
Hesitantly, I reached to her face. No flinching, but she definitely took in my every move. My thumb flattened on her chin, brushing over the bottom of her lip.
“I like when you smile. I’ll go order and have the shop downstairs bring you something to wear too. You’re going to need clothes to go shopping in. As cute as you look in my shirt, I think it’s time we both got out.”
“Out? But…After yesterday? Last night? What if someone sees us? What if they try to hurt us?”
“I doubt they’ll be looking so soon. From the emails I went through, it seems our guy reported once a week. I’ll be responding as him in the meantime. I think it’ll buy us time and help with my own investigation. Besides, I heard your therapist. She said you need to be getting out as much as you can. I think after this setback, it’s a good idea.”
Her hand waved away the last part. “You got his email?”
“I did. I’ll explain everything later. Clean up. I’ll put in the order and do the same. We need to get moving. Half the day is already gone.”
Kody climbed from the bed. There was still hesitation present. That alone told me there was hope. It was up to me whether I kept her trust or completely broke it. I wasn’t that type of person. My word was my bond. I promised myself when I chose to save her, to buy her, I’d make sure she was safe. I’d protect her like I couldn’t do with Fahima. The attraction I felt was just a bonus I greedily clung to.And, oh, was it there.Especially now that I had her in person.
