Page 39 of Surprise Me Tonight
“I don’t trust that this isn’t all going to fall apart,” I admit. “He’s younger, wildly attractive, successful, and somehow he’s looking atmelike I’m a fucking revelation. And I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to change his mind, realise I’m just a middle-aged woman with stretch marks and baggage and a CV with an eighteen-year gap.”
I look down at my tea. I haven’t touched it. It’s gone cold.
“He gave me a choice. Said he’d move me into another role if it made me uncomfortable. Said nothing would change unless I wanted it to. No pressure. No expectations.”
Fran nods once. “That’s something.”
“It is. And it made everything worse.”
“How?”
“Because if he’d been pushy or careless or dismissive, I could’ve written him off and walked away. But he wasn’t. He was…” I pause. “Kind. Honest. Maybe even a little scared, too.”
There’s a pause. Then, Fran asks gently, “And what do you want?”
“I don’t want to lose myself in someone again,” I say quietly. “Not like I did with Jeremy. But I also don’t want to run just because I’m scared he might actually mean it.”
I look up at her then.
“I kissed him again before I left. Just once. I said it was in case I decide against this. But that was a lie. I just wanted to feel it again.”
“You’re not in danger because he wants you,” Fran says. “You’re in danger because you want him, and that means letting yourself hope.”
I nod.
Then I lean forward and rest my forehead against the table once more.
Fran giggles at my theatrics before saying the words I need to hear. “He’s not Jeremy, you know.”
I don’t lift my head. “I didn’t say he was.”
“No,” she agrees, “but you’re afraid he might turn out to be. That’s what this is, isn’t it? The hesitation. The second-guessing. You think the minute you let yourself fall for someone again, they’ll start chipping away at you like he did.”
I close my eyes.
“And I get it,” she says. “I do. But Stella… this man? He’s already shown you he’s not the same.”
I lift my head, slowly.
Fran leans forward, her elbows on the table now. “Jeremy wanted you quiet. Dependent. Callum’s giving you options. A choice. That’s not nothing.”
“He could still change,” I murmur. “People show their best selves at the start.”
“True. But Jeremy never gave you choices, not even on day one. He made you smaller, and he liked you like that. Callum—” she pauses, “—Callum sees you. You’re in his head. You’verattledhim. And he’s not running from it.”
I press my thumb into the rim of my mug. The tea’s stone cold now, but I keep holding it.
“I just don’t want to hand someone else the power to break me,” I whisper.
Fran softens. “You didn’t hand it over last time. It was taken.”
I stare at the table.
“You’re not the same woman anymore,” she adds. “You know who you are now. And you’ve come too far to let anyone drag you back into the dark — and I don’t think he wants to. I think he’s just hoping like hell you let him in.”
The clock ticks again. Somewhere outside, a bird calls once and stops. The whole room feels full and still and unbearably quiet.
“I think I already have,” I say, barely above a whisper.
