Page 91 of Twisted Trails
I can see how he’s cracked down the middle, and it’s not only because of me. Whatever happened in the years we were apart, Finn lost something vital. His confidence. His sense of self, the light behind those arrogant grins.
And Ihateit. I hate that he’s not the guy I used to know anymore, but I alsolovewho he is now, even if he’s notforme.
I feel it, the weight of his regret and the sincerity bleeding from his every pore, but that’s the problem, isn’t it?
Looking back, it wasn’t even the big things. It was thosetinyglimpses of him that kept me sane. Just the crumbs of attention he tossed my way when I was younger were enough to keep me hoping. Wanting. I made a fool of myself over him, and it felt worth it at the time. Because Ihadsomething. I clung to scraps like they were gold.
And now, seven years later, I did the same, even if the scraps he threw me were bigger. They hurt more too.
“It would have been best if all of this had never happened,” I whisper. “I shouldn’t have to know how your arms feel when they’re wrapped around me, and I shouldn’t have to know what your voice sounds like when it’s whispering the things I always wanted to hear from you.”
Finn winces, but I don’t stop.
“You not wanting me back hurt, but I was used to it. I understood it.” I take a breath, trying to steady the ache clawing up my throat. “But the cold shoulder after giving me warmth? That cut deeper. And now, this version of you, being all sorry, saying all the right things?” I look at him, and my heart twists. “It hurts the most.”
His expression cracks, but I ignore it and go on.
“After all those years of wanting you, I finally got what I wished for, but it doesn’t feel good. It feels like a punishment because it’s not real. Those feelings you claim to have for me are not the real ones I was aching for.”
He steps closer, eyes pleading. “Iloveyou, Alaina.”
“No,” I say, barely above a whisper. “You don’t. And you shouldn’t.”
“I know I was bad at showing it, but I will. I’ll prove it.”
“Even if you do…” I murmur, “… what happens when you change your mind again?”
“I never did,” he insists. “I was just scared?—”
“And I waspathetic,” I cut in, voice sharp with self-loathing. “Starved for love, chasing after you like you were the only thing keeping me alive, literally.And now I have to live with that version of myself.”
He looks like he wants to say something more, but I don’t let him.
“I can’t keep doing this. I can’t live always bracing for the moment you leave.”
“Please, Al. I know I fucked up, but?—”
“I don’t doubt that you believe what you feel is real, but even if you’re right, I’m not sure I can ever feel safe being happy with you, Finn. I’d always wait for you to go and break my heart.I’m sorry.”
So damn sorry we both fucked up so badly.
The silence that follows is deafening.
And somehow, it’s still not enough to drown the sound of my heart breaking as I turn around and walk to the front door, leaving the boy I loved for almost half my life in the ruins of the future I used to dream about.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Mason
Warm water swirls over my knuckles as I wash the plates, Luc humming something tuneless beside me.
I glance over my shoulder just as Alaina and Piper step out, Alaina smiling as they go.
I don’t mean to stare, but I do.
Her hair is still damp from a shower, her cheeks still pink, and my chest tingles when I remember the look in her eyes. Those wide, dark,Bambieyes, when I grabbed her chin just a few moments ago.
I shift my weight as I try not to think about the feeling of her bottom lip under my thumb, or how Luc licked sugar off her cheek.
