Page 89 of Roulette Rodeo
My hands tighten slightly on her waist, an unconscious need to hold onto something real while discussing ghosts.
"I'm not even sure I was truly attracted to her. Not like my attraction to you."
The last part slips out, too honest, too raw. But she doesn't pull away, doesn't tense.
If anything, she relaxes further into me.
"Then you weren't intimate with her?"
I think about it long and hard, remembering those awkward months of trying to force something that wasn't there. The relief when she'd gravitated toward the others instead, when I could step back and play protector rather than lover.
"No," I admit. "Never. Rafe was the only one really trying to make it work with her. He loved her, or thought he did. The rest of us... we liked having an omega around, the idea of her, but not necessarily her as a person."
We fall quiet, the weight of unspoken history settling around us like the steam. I can feel her processing, that sharp mind working through the implications of what I've shared.
"Can I ask you something?" I venture, deciding maybe this is where I should ask a prime question that’s been dancing in my mind this whole time.
"Mm-hmm."
"Why didn't you ever take on clients? At the casino?"
She's quiet long enough that I wonder if I've overstepped.
But then she sighs, the sound carrying three years of weight.
"My mom made me promise. Before she died. She knew what Dad was, what he'd probably do. Made me swear that no matter what happened, I'd save that choice for someone who deserved it. Someone I chose."
“But were you young or older?”
“Pretty young, or at least an age where I shouldn’t even know about sex really, but when you live with a Dad who brings Omegas every night to entertain with false lies and gambling dreams, you’re forced to grow up and learn how the real world is.”
It doesn’t sit well with me that she even had to experience such, but then again, maybe that’s what helped carve the Red I’m smitten for.
"And you kept that promise. For three years in that hellhole."
"Almost didn't, several times. There were nights when the money would have solved everything. When giving in seemed like the smart choice. But..." She trails off.
"But?"
"But then I'd remember her face when she made me promise. How important it was to her that I have something that was mine to give, not taken or sold or bargained away."
"She sounds like an amazing woman."
"She was. She deserved better than my father. Deserved better than dying young because he'd rather drink than pay for her treatments. She was strong in man ways, but…she didn’t have the strength to leave him, despite knowing he would never be loyal to her."
The pain in her voice makes me want to hunt down her father and show him exactly what Special Forces training can do.
But that won't help her now, so instead I just hold her tighter.
"I'm glad you kept your promise," I say quietly.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Not because... fuck, not because I care about virginity or any of that bullshit. But because you honored your mother. Because you stayed true to yourself even when it would have been easier not to."
She turns in my arms, moving carefully to face me. The movement makes water slosh dangerously close to the tub's edge, and puts her breasts very firmly against my chest, but I focus on her face.
"Do you know what the hardest part was?" she asks.
