Page 76 of Seer
I regarded him for a moment. “Okay.” Might as well get abetter understanding of what made Greg tick, though I’d be pissed if he gave me a bunch of excuses.
“I told you how I’m triggered by disorder and chaos.”
“Yeah.”
He heaved a sigh. “You came into the office, and I was immediately attracted to you. And within seconds I could tell we resonated. We were compatible. Big time.” He finally looked up. “And I freaked out. I’d been telling myself and everyone else that I wasn’t nesting, that my soulmate wasn’t about to show up. But there you were.” He gazed down at his hands. “I have anxiety issues, obviously. I get triggered by unexpected noise and disruption. You saw how TWIST was. It’s usually even worse. But another part of my issues stem from when I was a kid. Aileen hadn’t come along yet. My mom and the other adults were focused on saving Wonders. They all assumed someone else was caring for me and my brother, but we were left to fend for ourselves most of the time. That led to dirty clothes, messy rooms, clutter.” He shuddered. “And when I tried to advocate for myself, to instill order in my life, I was patted on the head and ignored.”
I sat back down on the couch.
He said, “I was in therapy all through college, trying to deal with how my mom essentially shuffled me and Dominic aside after Dad died so she could run TWIST and save all the Wonders. And then whenIneeded things, like school or clothes, it was never a priority. Dominic and I were burdens, inconvenient.”
“Crap, Greg, that sucks.”
He turned his head away, blinking rapidly. “Sorry. And I’m not implying that my mom is some monster or anything. She did the best she could. And everyone else helped out as besttheycould. But Mom has never been the type to be organized.She’s a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants person. She’s forced herself to pay attention to the details to run TWIST for decades now, but I know it’s not been something she enjoys or is even good at.”
“That’s tough. For all of you.”
He exhaled heavily and nodded. “Anyway, I did therapy, and I still have issues with clutter and chaos, but I manage okay.” He snorted. “I can even deal with Craig’s desk at work. But sometimes I still struggle with feeling I deserve good things. Which is why I knew I wasn’t nesting, because I’d never be worthy of a soulmate. But then, before 8am on a Monday morning, I was confronted with someone who might be everything I ever wanted.” He looked straight into my eyes. “So I tried to find reasons you couldn’t possibly be meant for me.”
Well, fuck. “Okay. Such as?”
He dropped his gaze to the floor next to the couch. “You had a stain on your shirt, and your backpack was falling apart. I had flashbacks to being a kid and not having clean clothes to wear.” He made a face. “I decided you were a slob, and it would trigger my anxiety to live with someone like that.” He glanced up. “I saw your truck in the parking lot, and it was full of trash, so that just reinforced things.”
I opened my mouth, but he held up a hand. “I know. I know now why your backpack was torn and frayed, and why you had the trash in your truck. I also know those were stupid reasons to push someone away in the first place.” He shook his head, staring down at his hands. “But I was panicking. I needed excuses why I couldn’t be with you, so I found them.”
Well, shit. I felt bad for having my own assumptions about Greg.
He shrugged. “I did the best I could to avoid touching you, so we wouldn’t start a connection.” He chuckled. “That didn’t go the way I’d planned, did it?” He gave me a pleading look. “But, Cal, I was glad when we connected, even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself at first. And when I saw how strong the connection was, and I knew we’d never be able to break it....” He shrugged, smiling wryly. “I was so happy.” Then he added, “And terrified. Because I screwed up how we met, and now you’re stuck with me. I’m pretty damn inconvenient.”
I rubbed my face. “Fuck.”
He nodded. “Exactly.”
“I don’t know, Greg. I’m... I need to sit with all this for a while.”
He nodded, his expression sad.
“Why don’t you go home, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”
He nodded again, then he stood and faced the coffee table. He cleared his throat. “Um, Ms. Jackson, I’m sorry you had to witness all that. Would you like to stay here or come with me?”
The sparkles spelled outS-T-A-Y.
“Good choice.” Greg checked his pockets for his keys, then he took the long way around the couch so he didn’t have to walk by me on the way to the door.
I followed him, feeling awkward and unsettled.
Greg opened the door, but he turned back to me. “I won’t rush you. I know I messed things up for us. But I’ll do whatever it takes for you to trust me.”
This time the feeling coming through the connection was resolution and honesty.
After checking in with Steve to make sure I wasn’t needed at work, I brought the stack of books out of my office and set them on the coffee table next to Ms. Jackson.
“Not sure if you can help with this,” I told them. “But it’s nice to have company.”
I went into the kitchen to get a beer and popped a frozen pizza in the oven. If ever a day called for pizza, it was today.
I made it through three chapters of Archibald Manning’s amazingly dry opus on what should’ve been a riveting topic before the timer went off. I set the book aside while I ate, since I didn’t want to get grease on it.
