Page 20 of Holding On to a Hero
“Turn around, Will! Just take your shirt off and get it over with. Waiting isn’t going to make it any easier.”
No, but waiting gave me more opportunities for something or someone to interrupt us.
“Where’s Abby?”
“Watching TV. She won’t come in and save you. Get on with it!”
I hated that she knew me so well.
I took a deep breath, turned to face the bed and pulled my shirt over my head.
Silence.Shit.
“Will….” I felt Ally’s hand on my back and then her arms came around my chest in a hug. I grabbed her hands and she pressed against my back.
“I’m sorry, Will! They’re not that bad! It’s just…it hit me again that I almost lost you! You came so close to dying!”
“It’s okay, Ally. But this really isn’t helping my anxiety, you know.”
She pulled away and smacked me on the shoulder. “Ass. I was having a moment.”
“Have it somewhere else, and not while looking at my scars, please. I have a date.” But I didn’t turn around until after I’d pulled the burgundy t-shirt over my head.
“That’s a good color on you,” she said. “It brings out your eyes. And you can stop worrying about your back. They won’t care. And if they do care, they aren’t good enough for you!”
“I’ll be sure to let them know.” This time she smacked me on the chest.
Chapter Thirteen
Will
I managed to make the entire drive back to the ranch house without hyperventilating. The sun had just gone down and the warm light from the front porch threw a golden glow between me and the door. It was so welcoming, I could almost believe I belonged here. Almost. But I had to tell Jason and Cole everything. I didn’t think I’d be here long after that.
I was sure I was going to throw up; my stomach was in such knots. Ally’s pep talk about the scars on my back had helped a little, but she didn’t know I was also planning on telling them how screwed up my brain was as well. If they thought they wanted to date me, they needed to know what they were considering getting into.
And, as my therapist had suggested when I made an emergency call to her this afternoon, if I was brave enough to tell them, maybe they’d surprise me and accept me as I was.
This morning I’d driven home in a daze. Which was possibly becoming a habit. I couldn’t believe they actually wanted me. I mean, sure, I had speculated about it, but they’d just come right out and said it!
I wasn’t sure how the relationship might work, even if they still wanted to try it after I vomited my issues all over them tonight. But I could at least admit to myself that I wanted it. I wanted them. Both of them.
And I may or may not have spent some time online this afternoon checking out some videos. For research purposes, of course. I’d never looked at much poly porn before, but I’d been missing out. Imagining getting to do something likethatwith Cole and Jason…. Well, I got rock-hard every time I thought about it. Until I remembered I’d have to get naked.
Which was why I’d called Lisa this afternoon. She’d been after me to start dating again for a while now, and she was tangiblysmugabout the prospect of me with Cole and Jason. The threesome part didn’t faze her a bit. Though I guessed Lisa had heard even more bizarre things, being a therapist and all. I hadn’t mentioned Cole’s last name to her. That part could wait until I knew whether they were going to reject me or not.
My stomach continued to roil. I didn’t want to leave the truck.
I made myself leave the truck.
My hands and feet seemed numb and my breathing was unsteady. I slammed the truck door closed. Then I had to open it again and reach across the seat for the bottle of wine I’d brought. I closed the door more carefully this time. Then I remembered I should stretch my back after the drive. Cole and Jason were going to wonder where the hell I was.
I could do this. It would be fine. Really.Shitshitshitshitfuckshit.
By the time I reached the porch, Cole was opening the door.
“Will! Come in, come in! I’m so glad you’re here! Jason’s out back grilling some steaks. I hope you like steak. We didn’t even ask you if you had any food sensitivities. You don’t do you? I mean, if you do that’s fine. We have a bunch of stuff in the freezer we could pull out.” He finally paused for a breath and looked at me sheepishly. I was still standing on the porch. “Yeah, sorry. I may be a little nervous.”
I made a really attractive disbelieving grunt. “Nervous? Why are you nervous? I’m the one who’s nervous!”
