Page 86 of Holding On to a Hero
“Let’s get some sleep.”
* * *
The next morning I woke up in bed alone. As I dressed, I wondered how Will was handling baring his feelings last night. Upon reaching the kitchen, I had my answer. Will was sitting stiffly at the breakfast table, not looking at Jason or Spence. Shit. When Will saw me his shy smile and minimal eye contact told me I needed to intervene and fast.
I approached Will first, taking his jaw in my hand and turning his face toward me for a firm kiss. “Good morning, honey bun. I’m so happy you’re mine.”
He brightened like I’d just plugged him in. “Good morning.” I kissed him again and turned to Jason.
“Good morning, my love.” I kissed him and hugged him so I could whisper in his ear. “You didn’t kiss our man silly this morning yet, did you?” When I pulled back I could see the realization on his face that he’d fucked up.
“Well,” Spence drawled, “I’m waiting formygood morning kiss, Cole.” So I hustled around the table to lay one on him. Will and Jason laughed, which helped break up the tension.
Spence made some eggs for me, and then he and Will cleared away their dishes while Jason sat with me as I ate. Jason rubbed his face. “I got up early and I was on my laptop when he came out. I should have gotten up to say good morning but I was in the middle of an email from Brian and then Will was in the kitchen with Spence, and…shit.”
“Yep.”
“I’ll fix it.”
“Yep.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Will
Well, that had been a seriously awkward breakfast.
I mean, I was already feeling self-conscious after spilling my guts about falling in love with them. At least Cole had told me he was falling for me too, but Jason had said he was committed to this relationship. And that statement wasfine.Really. It was an appropriate response for the length of time we’d been seeing each other. I knew that.
It didn’t mean he’d felt forced to say something. He was an adult, and he knew he didn’t have to feel pressured by my drug-fueled emotional word-vomit.
But I’d woken up feeling like I’d pushed Jason for a declaration he wasn’t ready to make.
And I guess I could blame the Vicodin for making me stick my emotional neck out, butshit. And then after spending my entire morning shower beating myself up for spewing my truth last night, I’d come out to the living room to find Jason tapping at his laptop. We’d greeted each other as if we were in middle school and our friends had told us that the other personlikedus. Spence interrupting to start breakfast had been a salvation, but Jason still wasn’t really making eye contact with me.
“Are you okay, Will?” Spence’s voice startled me out of my self-pity replay.
“Sorry! Just zoned out there.” I handed him the plates I’d been holding.
“Ah. I thought you seemed quiet at breakfast. A little Vicodin hangover? Though that wouldn’t explain Jason being….”
I snorted, and then laughed out loud. I decided I might as well confide in Spence. I mean, it wasn’t like I could embarrass myself any more than I already had.
“Yeah, so last night I ended up telling the guys I was falling for them, and I think that was too much pressure for Jason.” I took the towel Spence handed to me and began to dry the dishes he’d washed.
“Oh. Hmm. That’s rough.”
“Yeah, I didn’t mean to force my feelings on them.”
Spence shut off the tap and turned to face me. He grabbed my forearms, ignoring the plate and towel I was holding. “Fuck that, Will.”
“Uh, what?”
“Those are your feelings and you should be proud of sharing them. If those two aren’t on the same page, or if they’re just not ready to admit they’re on the same page, it has nothing to do with you or your worth as their partner.”
I took a moment to stare at the cute cat on Spence’s “Show Me Your Kitties” t-shirt and consider his words. He was right. I shouldn’t be embarrassed about how I felt. I should be proud to be falling in love.
But I did realize that if first Malcolm and now Spence felt the need to pull my head out of my ass about how I was processing my feelings, maybe I needed to talk to my therapist when I got home.
